Suicide of estranged father, left with Narcissistic mother

[emalee]

My father took his life a few weeks ago. I cant talk about it with anyone without bursting into tears yet i cant mourn his death the same way i did with gran. Tears start but then stops. His funeral was on friday. i am confused about what i m feeling.

i havent seen my dad in a year, even though we live on the same street. Due to covid, due to him not wanting to be very involved in my life, due to me wanting to keep my distance from mum. He never saw my 8 month old, even though mum has. i think he may have become depressed.

No one in my relatives offered me any condolences, no hugs & no greetings. They behave like they hate me. i have a cousin who told the police that she was closest to dad, that she was the 2nd daughter. Family talked mum into staying with her instead of me. On the day of the funeral i only found out when i called her that she left my mum at her home because mum didnt want to go. i went over there, had a chat with mum, who decided on her own that she wanted to go & when we got there that same cousin took my mum in to see dad in the coffin while i was talking to the celebrant. Something that i wouldve liked to have done together.
The same cousin wanted to say a prayer at dads funeral although he was a atheist but ended up singing 2 songs & quoting off the bible.
i m afraid of becoming depressed because i have 2 young kids. Then i ve got a husband that just leaves me with the kids 24/7, didnt pickup on housework, talks negatively of my family. I m afraid of long term effects of this death yet i cant get my grief to come out. i dont know what to do.

Topic

[Cassatruopia]

Hi Emalee,

What you’re going through sounds really tough. I also lost my father a few weeks ago to very different circumstances. I’m sorry that there are so many things going on in your life and that you feel hopeless and that so many things were robbed from you at your father’s funeral.

I hope you find it in you somewhere to remember this strength to stay strong for your children. It must be incredibly hard being a mother already, to have lost a parent and to have a husband as you have described; must make it so much worse.

Be strong for your children although I know nothing as I’m not a parent yet. I just know that my mum was strong for us when she was depressed and we were younger. I hope that the things you wrote at least helped you a little.

I’m so sorry. I hope that someone appears or reappears in your life that can help you and comfort you soon.

Much love.

[teew]

Hey Emalee,

I am really sorry to hear about your dads passing, and that your family have not been very supportive.
I realise u wrote this a while ago, and I hope things have improved a little at home and that your husband is helping you out more.

My dad died of suicide too, on January 11 this year. That was the worst news I have ever heard, and for months I was just frozen. Time went by so fast and I didn’t do very much of anything.
I can’t imagine having the added pressure of young children to take care of. However one way I have been trying to deal with the death of my dad is writing in a journal. It is hard to know how to feel when somebody takes their own life, so sometimes I just remind myself of the facts. Then pay attention to how I feel.
I hope you can also find a little bit of time in your busy day to do a small thing that makes u happy. If it be for no other purpose than just that.

I hope this helps a tiny bit.

[emalee]

Thank you all for replying. I wish I could thank you in person. A kind word from a stranger means so much. 6 months on, i have been dealing with interfering relatives. My cousin is trying to take my mum & her house, she already got dads car & my aunts seem to be protecting my own mum from me. The things they say & do makes me ponder for hours after. Its really messed up my head. I want to look after mum but whenever i think about the whole thing, it feels like a dark cloud hovering over my head. I m afraid that i ll never be able to get away from it. I still avoid thinking about dad because i start to feel sick. I cant go there yet. Theres to many issues to deal with right now. My husband has been better. He now listens & seems to be supportive which was all i really wanted. His started helping with the kids alittle. Now his got a tumour in his cheek. Its been a really difficult year.

[teew]

Hello again,
I am glad to hear that your husband is being a little bit more supportive and helping more.
I am so sorry to hear that there is still so much shit going on though; I definitely know what it feels like for a chain reaction of bad things to keep happening.
I hope u can stay strong and keep talking to people (if it helps). You are already proving to be very strong for having survived all that you have gone through, and still are going through, all while supporting a family.
Be kind to yourself xx

[vmmichelle]

Hi @emalee,
I too am sorry to hear about your dad’s passing and the difficulties you are experiencing with your family. It sounds like you have had to be strong and look after your own children while trying to process everything. It is hard to look after others if we don’t look after ourselves and it is easy to forget to do this when things are tough. You can find some helpful self-care tips. https://griefline.org.au/resources/east-toolkit/. It sounds like you have a lot going on, on top of the loss of your dad through suicide. Please remember that you are not alone and if you would like to speak to someone you can call Griefline https://griefline.org.au/get-help/free-telephone-support/.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 8 months ago by onlinecommunity.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 8 months ago by onlinecommunity.

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