Suicide Attempt

[malen]

Sorry couldnt find a topic better suited

My sister attempted to commit suicide and was in hospital for a day and a half. She was released and put on an ITO which was removed within 12 hours. That night I found her unresponsive (except for LOUD snoring) half on her bed. I couldnt get her to wake. She ended up in ICU for a few days and is now in a mental facility.

I was referred to Griefline from SANE, while not grief over the death of a loved one I have been stuck seeing images of finding her, its waking me, its disturbing my day. Its over and over.

Im also struggling with a barrage of feelings. Im not an overly in touch with my feelings kind of guy. But I am going from anger, to wanting to cry (havent since I was like 14), depression (less mood as emotion), just lost and around and around.

I didnt lose my sister, not in the sense of this group but I have lost the person I knew. She was my greatest ssupporter, she looked after me and cared for me where my parents often didnt (we all live together). I am disabled and have serious mental health issues. I work. My sister is disabled but on DSP. My Mum is on a pension and my Dad has retired.

4.5mths ago my sister had an issue, there was a mental health component, I took on as her carer, a big role reversal. I continue to be her carer.

So she changed significantly, I lost my support and then nearly lost her altogether and I dont know how to feel, how to deal with my feelings or if they are even valid feelingss. I mean physically she is still here but she isnt in so many ways

Topic

[VM-Kay]

Hello Malen,
Thank you for reaching out. It doesn’t matter where you go, as long as someone is there for you. It would have been a very scary moment when you found your sister and it is understandable that you are re-living those moments as this part of the brains way of processing what happened.

You have had a significant change in your relationship with your sister and this is all part of grief and loss. So it is completely understandable that you are experiencing the range of emotions you have mentioned. You have shown strength in seeking support. It may not seem like it right now, but things will get easier over time.

You may benefit from calling and speaking with someone via our Helpline, or you could use the Booked Call Service. There are also a wealth of resources available on our website, so I encourage you to take the time to take a look. Talking helps and we are here for you. Take care

[VMKat]

Hey, Malen,

So sorry to hear about the challenging feelings and circumstances you are experiencing. You are showing great strength in reaching out and caring for your sister. You are right in thinking that witnessing how your sister changed significantly and the harm she is dealing with can result in feelings of loss and grief.

I just lost my father-in-law to dementia, which is very different from your experience; however, I also feel that although he is still here, a big part of him is gone, and for that, I grieve. I can’t imagine how difficult this must be for you as siblings, as you share a deep bond and so much history.

I understand what you mean by “I don’t know how to feel, how to deal with my feelings”, but none of us is an expert at it, but you already made a great start by connecting here.

We’re here for you.

[malen]

Im at a real loss. I went and saw her for the first time in a while (I had spinal surgery). She was erratic and juust kicking at the walls wanting more and stronger drugs. It was hard to watch.

She was keen for me to go, stating that I looked in pain, I was, but it started pretty soon after arriving.

I got a message today her wanting more stuff. I said no one was coming down today (Dad went down yesterday and I have to go have a test on my heart tomorrow) I said to my sister that I wasnt stopping on way back from my procedure. She said she didnt care if people came and spent time with her she just wants her stuff.

She doesnt care if I am there or not, just wants her crap. Keep in mind its a 30min drive either way and you have to collect everything, its no simple task but me/Dad being there doesnt matter.

[vmpercy]

Hi @Malen,

It’s clear that you’re going through an incredibly difficult time, and I appreciate you sharing your experience with us. It’s completely normal for you to feel a range of emotions as you navigate this challenging situation with your sister. Your feelings are absolutely valid, and it’s important to remember that you’re not alone in this journey. You mentioned that your sister was erratic and demanding during your visit, which must have been hard to witness. It’s challenging to see someone we care about suffering, especially when we don’t know how to help them.

It’s tough to see someone you care about change and struggle, but it’s crucial to recognise the importance of self-care as well. It’s admirable that you’ve taken on the role of your sister’s carer, and it’s essential to find ways to cope and manage your own well-being. Have you tried any specific self-care or coping strategies to help with these intense emotions? You could try journaling your thoughts and feelings, or even practice mindfulness techniques, such as deep breathing or meditation, to help you cope with your emotions.

In times like these, it’s important to lean on your support network, whether it’s your dad, friends, or online communities like Griefline. Don’t hesitate to reach out and share your feelings, as connecting with others can help you find the strength and understanding to navigate this tough situation. Remember, we’re here for you, and together we can build a supportive environment to help you through this challenging time.

[malen]

Yeah I write on the SANE forum as a bit of a journal, journaling itself without an audience makes no sense to me. I do breathing excerses as well

[malen]

Sorry I should have added that I dont have much in the way of a support network. My Dad is as emotionally connected as a rock is to a cloud. Mum well I havent been able to have a reasonable conversation with her for years. I have one friend, but we dont speak heaps. Im on here and I am on SANE. Thinking of joining the Beyond Blue forum as well. I have a mental health nurse but shes pretty un reliable. Im trying to get an appointment with a psychiatrist, once I see her will work out psychologist that fits (not much luck so far)

[VM-Luna]

Hello Malen,

It is difficult when your main support is no longer able to be present for you, and I hear that you are doing your best to support your sister in her illness. Your emotional volatility is understandable, the swings from anger to loss to sadness and everything in-between. My own emotions were so confused, fluidly flowing from one to another so quickly it was sometimes hard to keep up. When my brother took his own life, I was so sad and felt guilty that I didn’t/couldn’t save him, then I was so angry at him for leaving, and felt guilty for thinking this. Grief from a family member either attempting or taking their life through suicide is complex.
From your messages it sounds like you don’t feel supported by your parents and are feeling alone in what you are experiencing, loneliness can be hard especially when you are processing trauma. Griefline has a resource (link is below) that can offer some help and considerations for support for you.

Relationship Loss

I don’t know if you have reached out to any mental health services or have a mental health plan from your Doctor, though one of these maybe helpful too.
Griefline is always here to support you the best way we can, and thank you for reaching out through your pain, to seek help.

[Author]

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