Struggling with the loss of my Dad

[jessb]

Hi, I’m new to these forums. It’s been two weeks since I lost my father and I’m really struggling. My dad got COVID and was sick in hospital for over 2 months where my family had two close calls. He stabilized and was transfered to a nursing home and within an hour was found unconscious. When we realized treatment wasn’t going work I was by my dad’s bedside for 6 days until he passed. Over the past 3 months I have said goodbye to my dad over 3 times.

I have been a mess ever since. I’m haunted with visions of what he looked like in his final days. My health since then hasn’t been great either. After the funeral I got an infected tooth and needed to get emergency treatment. I’m juggling young kids, a partner who has been amazing but has had no time with me while this has been happening and then trying to think about returning to work. My mother is not coping at all and whenever I talk to her she breaks my heart and I just cry.

I feel so lost and not sure how I move forward or keep things together for my family when I have this deep sadness inside of me.

Topic

[VM-monty]

Dear Jessb, I am genuinely sorry for your loss and the deep pain you and your family are experiencing right now. The loss of a parent one is an utterly devastating and an incomprehensible feeling. It sounds like your father’s health deteriorated so suddenly; I cannot imagine how difficult it was to say goodbye three times over in such a short period, and to be haunted by visions of him suffering. Nothing can prepare you for losing a parent, and it is normal to feel a profound sense of sadness. I can’t begin to imagine how heartbreaking it must be to support your mum, who is also grieving during this devastating time. It is also normal to feel intense emotions such as sadness, confusion and overwhelm. Especially when you are battling not only your own Grief but your health and juggling a family. Grief is a complex and individual process that takes time to heal. I understand that it can be overwhelming, but you are not alone. The love and care of your partner and family can be a source of strength. Allow yourself to lean on them for emotional support and share your feelings openly. I hope someone will be there to comfort you and lend a listening ear as you navigate through this painful journey. Remember to be gentle with yourself and honour your emotions. It’s okay to grieve and take the time you need to heal. Sending you all my best wishes and warm thoughts. Take care and be kind to yourself.

[VMSal]

Dear @jessb, I’m so sorry about the loss of your dad and for what you’re undergoing. Losing a loved one is devastating, and the grief of it impacts us on every level – physical, mental and emotional. As distressing as it is to live through, what you are describing is actually typical after a loss. Our health can suffer in various ways. We can experience intense sadness. And the haunting, intrusive thoughts are the mind’s attempt to process and come to terms with the harrowing experience you’ve been through. Plus, with kids and the things of everyday life still needing to go on, it can be overwhelming to manage.

This is still very early in your grief journey, and it takes a lot of time to begin healing. Thank you for reaching out and opening up here, it is a helpful step. Please know you don’t have to walk this path alone; I would really encourage you to ring the Helpline or use the Booked Call service and speak to someone. You might suggest this to your mother as well.

Being able to talk about your grief with a caring listener can bring some relief. To know that your grief is witnessed, heard and validated can make it that little bit easier to bear. But if talking about it seems too much at the moment, please go through the many resources on the Griefline website. Follow your intuition and do what feels right. Meanwhile, please be compassionate with yourself and know that we are here to support you. Wishing you well.

[jessb]

Thankyou so much for your replies. I feel genuinely fortunate going through this. I work for an amazing company and the people I work with have been so understanding and empathetic. My company provides a service for me and my family where I can speak to a counsellor and my husband encouraged me to use the service. I tried it today for the first time and it really helped.

I am still finding juggling my young kids while trying to work incredibly hard but I have requested additional flexibility at work and I am finding that is helping. It’s like my stress baseline hasn’t reset and so I’m doing everything I can to reduce as much stress and pressure off my plate.

I have been making a conscious decision to not avoid my feelings and really face into my grief. I have an ability to be able to keep myself busy and it’s my way of coping by not feeling so I’m avoiding that pattern. I find crying and talking is helping a lot. I am also trying to look back and and see the beautiful moments in it all. I’m grateful I got to spend so much time with dad, I was able to be by his side the entire time and I know in my heart it gave him comfort and I was able to hear all the shared memories that everyone had of dad and so I learned so much.

I’m still on a emotional rollercoaster and I know it will be that way for some time but I am taking each day as it comes. I am hoping soon it won’t feel like I am just trying to survive the day.

[janaey]

Hi Jess, I am really resonating with your post. I lost my dad suddenly and unexpectedly a couple of months ago, and also finding it extremely hard to hold it together and parent a very active toddler. I am so glad your work is being so supportive, it really does make all the difference.

I think it’s so important that you are utilising the EAP and also facing your grief when you can. I also lost my mum 15 years ago and have found that grief really needs to be worked through, if you bottle it up, it will only come our later on, usually more intense as well.

I hope you’re going ok today x

[aaron]

I lost my mother two weeks ago as well. I don’t have any answers for you, but I can empathise an know how you are feeling. I am very sad to hear you are in a similar situation. You aren’t alone.

[Author]

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