Struggling to cope with loss of husband

[tiashayne]

Hi everyone
Im tia
33 from ballarat Victoria
10/1/23 my husband had a massive heart attack in bed and passed away suddenly he was 52.we were together for 13 years and married for 9.5 years. I thought I was going okay but im not. In struggling to get through the days. I go to work and can’t focus. I’m struggling to eat struggling to function. If anyone has any tips would be appreciated

Topic

[VMPatch]

Hello @tiashayne
Losing your husband so suddenly is bound to have a massive impact psychologically and physically and so it is expected that you would be struggling so soon after your loss. You may like to look at our website ( greiline.org.au) under the Resources tab at the top of the page as there are fact sheets that have a range of tips for coping with grief. The link below will take you to the page.
https://griefline.org.au/resources/

One of the factsheets you might want to read is in the link below

Coping with Grief

One of the things that can help us to cope with grief is reaching out for support and by posting this message you have already taken a step in that direction.
For additional support you can also ring the Griefline helpline on 1300 845 745 between 8am and 8pm (AEDT) or book a call via our website ( see the tab for Book a Call on the left top corner of the webpage below)

Home

I encourage you to continue to post on this forum and/or seek further support as mentioned above.

[vmestia]

Dear Tia, I’m so sorry to hear of your recent and sudden loss of your husband, your marriage and ease of functioning in life. My heart goes out to you and the effort you’re putting into continuing with daily life. Who can you go to for a hug, or company with a meal, or support for frozen meals? Who in your life would your husband wish you were with for support?

I found these two Griefline articles and hope they support your recovery.

Grief Recovery Part 1: In Search of Lost Strengths

Grief Recovery Part 1: In Search of Lost Strengths

Grief Recovery Part 2: Recognise and Engage Your Strengths

Grief Recovery Part 2: Recognise and Engage Your Strengths

So glad you are reaching out.

In support of your love and simply of you as a person,
Estia

[VM-Suki80]

Hey @tiashayne,

I wanted to check in and see how things were going these past few months, as I can only imagine things are still very raw after the loss of your husband in January.

I wanted you to know that there are people out there who understand the pain of your loss, you are not alone (even though it might feel like you are). There is no pressure or expectation for you to respond, I just read your email and it resonated with me. When my loved one passed away it was such a shock and everyone around me seemed to be going on as if it never happened. For me though, everything changed and I found it really difficult to even do the basics, to be honest sometimes I still find it challenging to do the basics.

However, I think the most important thing has been to been learning to be kind to myself. If I cannot face the world, I don’t, if I need to talk to someone and cry I pick up the phone, if the only thing that helps me is to zone out and distract myself with Netflix I feel no guilt about it! I don’t want to say things get better because I think when we lose people the impacts are felt for the rest of our lives. Though these days I see my pain as a testament to how much love I felt and that brings me comfort (so does my cat).

I would love to know how you have been doing, but again it is okay if you don’t respond.

Warm regards
VmSUKI

[tiashayne]

Hi .
Well I’m going okay.
Well I think.
I have an amazing support system around me. I feel like I’m been shown if I’m going in the right direction from shayne. Today is a hard day I’m cancelling his bank his mobile and got his car in my name ready to sell it.

[VM-Suki80]

Hey @tiashayne,

Wonderful to hear from you.

So sorry to hear that today is not easy for you. I always found the day to day realities (like closing bank accounts) to be some of my darker moments. It can often feel like things are getting back to “normal” (whatever that is) and then suddenly something happens and it is back to the day they left.

I am so happy that you are being supported by wonderful friends and family, being able to lean on people is so important and it sounds like Shayne is a part of that. I think keeping him close, talking to him, feeling his guidance is a really important part of your grief process. Sometimes I even write letters, or I have been known to see my loved ones in birds! It might sound a little odd, but I am of the belief that if it makes you feel better then just go with it!

I am so glad you responded, you are not alone, and if you need extra support you can always call griefline on 1300 845 745.

Take it easy today

[Author]

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