Not doing so well.

[jameser]

I was on here a while back but had my thread deleted. I lost my partner at the end of July, we were together 23 years.

I thought I was coping alright but tonight I am just falling down. A while ago I started writing down stories about my partner, some recent and some things I hadn’t thought about in a while. It helped me to keep happier memories at the front of my mind. I’m basically housebound now, I haven’t been away from the house for 2 months maybe, don’t know for sure, I have a history of anxiety and depression and I feel like I lost my reason to try.

I just wanted to share a memory/story about my partner that has been rolling around in my head for the last week or so.

My partner was an animal lover, she used to talk to animals in a way that made it seem she was actually waiting for them to answer. And she fed anything that would stand still. Anyway, shortly after we met she used to spend time with my mother while I was at work. One of the places they went had a couple of horses in a paddock across the road, my partner loved horses so she was always hanging out with them, she started going to the bakery to get the day old bread to feed to them. My mother told us that that when she went there without my partner one of the horses would call out.

We have a colony of water dragons in the yard and surrounding area. It started with one baby that decided to bond with us, she did this by jumping on us while we were in the yard, following us around, tried to get in bed with my partner one time when I was in hospital. I named her Fred, didn’t know she was a girl. Fred used to go away somewhere to sleep each night but then one day she started sleeping in the open, usually in the rafters out the back or on a window sill (she’s on a window sill now). My partner would go and check her stomach to see if she had had enough to eat for the day and top her up with dried meal worms if she looked a bit thin. Fred ended up with her own bowl and would go to it when she hadn’t had a great day hunting.

At the time of her passing, my partner was feeding a family of magpies, mum dad and junior. They had a set schedule, kangaroo meat in the morning and bread in the afternoon. I think it was getting time for junior to move on, he was bigger than his parents but acted helpless.

She had 4 bird baths in the yard because she said the birds shouldn’t have to fly to the river for a drink. She liked to watch them flap around in the water. Her favourite thing to do was go to the local lake and watch the birds, she loved taking their picture or filming them. I miss seeing the world through her eyes.

Thanks for reading.

Topic

[vm-sage111]

Jameser, I am truly sorry for your loss and the pain you are experiencing. Losing a partner of 23 years is undoubtedly a significant and heartbreaking event. It’s understandable that you may have moments of feeling overwhelmed, especially when memories resurface.

It’s wonderful to hear that writing down stories about your partner has helped you keep happier memories at the forefront of your mind. Sharing these stories can be a beautiful way to honor their memory and find solace in the midst of grief.

I can imagine that being housebound for the past two months has added to your feelings of anxiety and depression. It’s important to acknowledge the impact this loss has had on your daily life and emotional well-being. Remember to be gentle with yourself during this difficult time.

The memory you shared about your partner’s love for animals is truly touching. It’s evident that she had a special connection with them, treating them with care and compassion. The way she interacted with the horses and the water dragon Fred shows the depth of her kindness and nurturing nature. It’s heartwarming to know that she found joy in feeding and caring for these creatures.

Her dedication to the birds, providing them with food, bird baths, and capturing their beauty through photography and filming, reflects her appreciation for the natural world. It’s clear that she had a unique perspective and a genuine love for all living beings.

Losing someone who saw the world through such compassionate eyes can be incredibly challenging. You have lost not only a partner but also a person who brought a unique perspective and joy to your life. It’s completely understandable to miss seeing the world through her eyes.

Please know that you are not alone in your grief. The griefline forum is here to provide support and understanding during this difficult time. Feel free to share more memories or stories about your partner whenever you feel comfortable. We are here to listen and offer support.

Take care of yourself, and remember to reach out for help when needed. Healing takes time, and it’s important to be patient with yourself as you navigate this journey of grief.

With heartfelt sympathy,

• This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by vm-sage111.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by vm-sage111.

[Moon]

Hi there and thank you, I just fed my many bird friends and thought of you and your partner. Did you feed the screaming toddlers over spring before I wonder, bet they came knocking, I’ve also fed generations, I find quiet comfort in their company. I often have an owl who sits on my back deck at night and I swear he nods/winks at me, to say, yes I know…I get it. I first posted here when my 19yr old son passed away almost 2 years ago, but it’s still raw as yesterday. I think it’s a good thing to relive these happy memories, and it’s okay to not want to leave the house for now. Grief isn’t over in one surf wave, it’s a beach with riptides, so swim alongside not against it. Sorry to use metaphors, I used to like to write, might be good for you to continue, I’ll listen

[jameser]

My partner collected things. She told me she liked dolphins so I bought everything dolphin themed object I ran across. She told me she liked frogs so I bought every frog themed item I ran across.

Just after we met she told me that she bought a bunch of salt and pepper shakers from a restaurant that was closing down. Shortly after she showed me some really interesting salt and pepper shakers she had. She never told me she collected salt and pepper shakers, she just showed me her collection and told stories about about collecting them. It took me 20 years to realise that she collected salt and pepper shakers, embarrassingly I realised because she told me. She always thought I just wasn’t interested in her salt and pepper shaker collection. She always wanted darlek shakers and that’s what she got for the Christmas after she finally got it into my head that she collected salt and pepper shakers.

[VM-Dian9967]

Hi @jameser, I’m deeply moved by the stories you’ve shared about your partner’s wonderful connection with you. I can see that your partner had a charming way of collecting things, and the story about the salt and pepper shakers is heartwarming. The memories you’ve shared here paint a vivid picture of her love and how much you love her. I hope these cherished memories continue to bring you comfort. I want you to know that you’re not alone. Please feel free to continue sharing your memories and stories whenever you’re ready. The Griefline forum is here as a safe and support space, ready to listen during this tough period. Sending you warmth and strength during this time of grief.

[jameser]

Not doing well again tonight. I got through Christmas alright, it didn’t feel like Christmas so it didn’t bring up too much emotion, just another day. I tried to keep our Christmas tradition of watching Christmas movies during December. We have a folder of DVD’s, 2 movies or TV eps per day from the 1st to 25th. There were days that I watched and days that I completely forgot and then 2 days before Christmas I just couldn’t do it. I have 5 versions of the Christmas Carol I think. I didn’t watch Elf or Arthur Christmas, we watched those as we made the final preparations Christmas eve, I had no preparations so didn’t seem much point.

Wishing everyone a Happy New Year.

[stefan]

Hi jameser, I lost my wife of 18 years on May 31st. It was the forth time in 15 years she had had cancer and there were constant other serious health issues. Everyone says we were a great couple and I know we were. This was my first Christmas without her and I have also really missed her. Today is as bad a day as I have ever had. Regular sleep patterns abandoned me in late November which has made everything harder.

I was the primary carer for Louisa and although now everyone says I did a good job of managing her last 4 months, at the time the family were constantly denying her condition and suggesting spurious cures and suggesting the pain medication was the only thing killing her and I was responsible for that – but no-one took the time to really try to understand what was happening. A few weeks ago it all come back in a series of dreams and even though I know over Christmas it was all forgotten and just their grief, it really dug deep into me and I was with those people on Christmas Day. I had also met a wonderful lady and I blew that due to the return of the grief which just totally floored me. Today I’m trying to hold positive – there is a big country music “muster” in town and “walk-ups” can perform. So I go down in the morning and find out that that is everyone except me because I’m a bass player and they don’t do that. So now my holding positive and bright heart are gone. My brother has been in hospital with an aortic aneurism that they can’t operate on for a month, I lost my favourite uncle at the beginning of December and nobody in town except one couple even contact me ever. But I do have some friends elsewhere and for that I am thankful. But personally, I have no idea of my next step and I feel alone, stressed and scared and not at all like Stefan; especially not the Stefan who was on this earth 2 months ago and was making something of himself. I know I can do this and I have been blessed a great many times this year but, man, staying positive is hard right now.

I hope next year is so much better for you.

[Author]

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