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Not coping

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Home Forums Loss of a loved one Not coping

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  • #14297

    Lost my mum 4 years ago to Ovarian cancer and life has been upside down ever since!! I went back to work to soon and couldn’t cope so quit and the jobs I’ve had since then I freak out with anxiety and quit those jobs too. In the last 12 months we moved to another town for his job and I don’t know anyone and I’m not working…so I cry a lot and feel like apart from my husband and adult children I have no one to talk too. Our daughter moved out with her boyfriend which I’m happy about but sad that she’s not around and I feel like my job as a parent even has finished and they don’t need me anymore. Our beautiful dog of 15 years also passed away last year. So it feels like a lot, I keep a brave face, but deep down I’m struggling.
    I talk to my dad other day but we don’t and never have talked about feelings. He has sent me text messages about how he missing mum but has never asked me how I’m doing.
    I just want to be happy again.

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  • Author
  • #14298

    Hi @Gabbie70, welcome to the forums. It takes courage to write your first post, especially when you’re feeling so unhappy – so well done for that. We are glad you are here and have become part of our community. ☺️

    It sounds like you’ve had an awful lot of losses and major life-changes happen to you since losing your Mum 4 years ago. Each one of these can re-activate and compound your grief for her making it hard for you to process it.

    It also sounds like you’re feeling very isolated having moved to another town, without a current job and losing your dog after 15 years (the social support provided by companion animals is significant and many of us grieve for them as much as we grieve for the loss of our human loved ones).

    However, it’s clear that you have remarkable inner strength and selflessness – you put on a brave face despite the pain inside, you support your daughter’s move even though it leaves you lonely, you listen to your Dad even when he can’t do the same for you. It’s this strength that you can pull on to find your happiness again.

    One of the keys to coping is having social support which you’re lacking at the moment. Have you had a chance to look at our Tips for Coping with Loss on the Griefline website? We’ve pulled out a few for you and you can find the entire article here.

    Tips to seek comfort and help from others;
    • Reach out to family, friends, workmates, community members etc. but permit yourself to retreat when you need to be alone.
    • Take the initiative to reach out to new people who have experienced a similar loss – they might be from social groups, sporting clubs, church groups, in the workplace or internet forums. It’s a good idea to make a list of these groups to turn to when you’re feeling overwhelmed.
    • Force yourself to be around people and do things – even when it feels too hard. Try to have at least one thing in your calendar every day, along with a back-up.
    • Give and receive random acts of kindness and tell others how much you admire, respect or love them.
    • Care for others where you can such as your children and elders or pets and animals.
    • Engage in faith, religion or spirituality if that is part of your life.
    • Seek help from organised, supportive bereavement services such as retreats, group therapy and online forums (click through for the Griefline online forums). You may find one specific to the cause of death such as cancer or suicide groups, or to the type of loss such as a spouse, child, parent.

    We’re here to support you as you embark on your mission to find happiness again. Please let us know how you’re going with the day-to-day. We are here for you. 🌸


    Hi @gabbie70,

    I wanted to reach out, despite how long ago this was posted. Grieving can make us feel all kinds of ways, I hope you have been doing well and have a support system, and I hope you have found some happiness or are on your way to finding that happiness (even if you don’t know it yet). I’m sorry that your father hasn’t been there for you in the way you would like. Grieving can affect everyone differently in many ways, although this isn’t an excuse for him to neglect your feelings. Have you been able to build on this relationship with him or found support in anyone? Please reach out to us or call griefline (1300 845 745) if you would like to talk and express your feelings.

    Best wishes,

    • This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by onlinecommunity.
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