My story

[Sanj]

Couple of days ago my wife for last 24 years have been diagnosed re occurrence of stage 4 breast cancer. We just celebrated our 24th wedding anniversary. I find it incredibly hard to cope at the moment although I am putting on a brave face for my 16 year old daughter and for my wife. I am falling a part inside. I love my wide dearly, she is the love of my life, she is the most kindest and most beautiful person in the world to me. She has been part of my life for last 26 years I am turning 52 this year. we always talked about growing old together now though of not having her in my life is breaking me down, I am num at the moment and lost interest in everything, my daughter asking me is mum going to be there for her graduation It is breaking my hart at the moment. I don’t know what to do, very little help around me, I feel so alone and trying to stay strong for everyone, I locked in the toilet and cried almost all night, I am lucky to get two hours sleep at the moment. I would like to hear from people who has gone through similar situations, I don’t know what to do at the moment

Topic

[onlinecommunity]

Dear @Sanj, my heart goes out to you at this frightening and uncertain time.

And my heart dropped when I saw that our community were unable to share any insights or suggestions to support you. Please know that we at Griefline are here for you now and all the way through this very difficult time.

It sounds like you have a very precious bond with your wife and a rare love and admiration for her. No doubt your love and support is helping her navigate the shock of the diagnosis and challenges of treatment.

How have you been holding up since you last posted? We would not blame you if you’ve dropped your brave face – after all you are only human. And your grief deserves to be witnessed. Give yourself permission to be vulnerable and real in front of your beloved wife – even if you just block out half an hour …or half a day to cry and express your sorrow. Scheduling in time to let your grief out allows you to continue with your responsibilities while acknowledging the profound pain you are going through. Its very likely your beautiful wife recognises the turmoil you’re experiencing anyway – she knows you and your love so well.

It sounds like your daughter is suffering also. At this time, providing comfort and reassurance and maintaining the routines which have been in place is the best way to support her. Routines will provide her with a sense of security and predictability. When grief issues are recognised particularly within a safe, open and sensitive manner, children and teenagers may not feel so alone or disengaged from their family, friends, social groups or at school. We have more information regarding Grief and Loss For Children and Adolescents here on our Resource Hub; https://griefline.org.au/resources/grief-and-loss-for-children/

And finally, we would like to help you get back into a healthy sleeping pattern as this will assist you to continue supporting your wife. Our article on dealing with insomnia may be of help; https://griefline.org.au/resources/dealing-with-insomnia/

@Sanj, we hope you will respond to let us know whats happening for you this week. Remember that the Griefline team are always here for you.

[Nic76]

@Sanj, I am very sorry to hear your family is going through such a difficult time. I myself had BC and i understand the rollercoaster emotionally as well as physically that it takes. My children at the time of my diagnosis were newborn baby (1 week old) and and 8 year old and the uncertain future in their lives was a very difficult obstacle. They are now 19 and 11 and so far so good cancer wise. Its ok to feel lost and unsure of how to push through. I honeslty had to break that time down into one day at a time – i would seriously say out loud to myself, its just one day at a time. Dont feel like you always have to be strong – even for your wife and daughter- being human and showing your scared makes you real and will show them that is ok for them to break down too. Trust me you wont live in that space, but its good to recognise it. If you ever want to unload shoot me a message, happy to be a sounding board. x

[Sanj]

Everyone is sleeping in my house, I am wide awake thanks for your support I will try out those resources. I hope I will have better days, I lost interest in everything, at the moment all I can think about is this pain to go away. I am hurting inside really bad at the moment, I know others gone through this sort of thing learned how to cope. I hope I can do the same. thank you for your support

[Sanj]

Nights are really dark for me now, during the day I am on auto pilot, when I am alone or night time, images of memories flash in my mind none stop, nights are the hardest

[Author]

Replies