April 9, 2021 at 9:34 am #14728mykeedeeParticipant
My name is Michael, aged 32. I married my wife, Charlotte, aged 31, in February 2017. We lived a healthy and happy life until March 6, 2021, Charlotte experienced a ruptured AVM and aneurysm in her brain. She was 27-weeks pregnant at the time. Luckily the baby, our third daughter by the name of Runa, was able to be saved, but Charlotte’s bleed was so severe that she could not be helped. She passed away on March 20 while I held her. Her funeral was March the 31st and my eulogy went for 45-minutes. I love my wife more than anyone could possible imagine. We were the perfect couple who had an amazing story, and it has been tragically cut short just as we were raising our very young family.
I have 2 other daughters; the middle one is aged 19 months and the oldest is a 3-year-old. My whole life has been turned upside down. I have no suicidal thoughts as I have three girls and I am all they have left. I am also not angry, just extremely sad, empty, vulnerable, powerless, numb, weak, and lonely.
More than anything I am looking for support from other single dads who have experienced something similar. What has helped me through all this is being able to share my story. I want to know that I am not alone; that there are other single dads out there who have experienced trauma and somehow managed to get through it. I need to see the light at the end of the tunnel because right now I am in survival mode where I am just trying to make it through the day.
Thank you for taking the time to read my story.April 9, 2021 at 8:14 pm #14730GL friendParticipant
I am sorry to hear about your loss and my heart goes out to you. You are right. I encourage anyone in the community, especially single fathers who can relate to you, to jump in with their kind heart.
The words of support that I can offer you are from the perspective of a daughter of a single dad. My mum died a few years ago, not long after a miscarriage, and I have watched my dad go through the cycles of grief. It was never clear to us what caused mums death. It seemed like a number of complicated situations.
He has been angry, sad, upset, anxious, nervous, hopeless, and its been very hard for him to find his own identity and build new relationships with his children. I think he finds solace in talking to family members, looking at mums photos and reminiscing on their time together. He is strong and he has his days.
Michael, you are not alone. You are supported. Everything you need to get through this is within you. There is light at the end of the tunnel. It is okay to take it one day at a time and return to your breath as needed throughout the day. You are welcome to reach out any time. We are here to support.April 10, 2021 at 9:17 am #14731onlinecommunityKeymaster
Hello @mykeedee and a sincere welcome to the forums. Our hearts go out to you for the sudden loss of your beloved wife Charlotte. The words you have posted and your 45-minute eulogy give us a glimpse into the love you have for Charlotte and an understanding of the depths of your grief which, in essence, is a measure of that love.
You mention feeling powerless and weak and yet in the midst of your despair, you are finding a super-human strength to commit to getting through the days and being present for your three young daughters including little Runa who surely defied the odds to pull through. We note that her beautiful and unusual name means ‘mighty strength’ which, like you, she seems to personify.
It’s this strength and courage that is driving you to engage in one of the most important self-care strategies in grief recovery – reaching out to others to share your story and seeking support from others, especially dads with a shared experience. Here on the forums we all share in your experience of grief and loss and are here to support you on your journey in our own ways. As part of this the community coordinator will contact you to help facilitate engagement with bereaved dads.
For now, you might like to take a look at this article on our Resource Hub which provides more tips on coping with grief including ways to take care of your mental, emotional and physical health & gaining a better understanding of yourself and a healthy future outlook.
Psychologist Jamie Cannon says “when someone is formed as part of you, there will eternally be a space in your life that fits only them…there will never be a day when we wake up and forget the missing elements of our lives [but] eventually, the pain that accompanies this remembering will dull and be less acute when it hits…ultimately, we will find other outlets into which we can pour our devotion and energy.” It’s a very real and raw quote but perhaps it will give you some hope for finding that light at the end of the tunnel you are searching for.
@mykeedee, we hope you will keep posting and sharing. We are thinking of you and we are here for you. 🌸April 12, 2021 at 9:33 am #14732tiki2072016Participant
Dear @mykeedee Michael sending Love & Strength to you & your babies xx So sorry for your loss of your Charlotte. This forum is a great place to check into to share your on going feelings. It is 3mths since I lost my partner of 41yrs reading your story I feel even more privileged to have had that time. I am finding writing in a Journal every night before I go to bed is helping me through my grief. I hope other Dads in similar situation reach out to you. I’m sure the love your three daughter give you will help in a small but large way. Hope you have some family & friends that reach out to you as well.
Be kind to yourself xx
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