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Home » Topics » Loss of a loved one » My pregnant wife died, I have 3 daughters, I am 32
  • Creator
    Topic
  • #14728
    mykeedee
    Participant

    My name is Michael, aged 32. I married my wife, Charlotte, aged 31, in February 2017. We lived a healthy and happy life until March 6, 2021, Charlotte experienced a ruptured AVM and aneurysm in her brain. She was 27-weeks pregnant at the time. Luckily the baby, our third daughter by the name of Runa, was able to be saved, but Charlotte’s bleed was so severe that she could not be helped. She passed away on March 20 while I held her. Her funeral was March the 31st and my eulogy went for 45-minutes. I love my wife more than anyone could possible imagine. We were the perfect couple who had an amazing story, and it has been tragically cut short just as we were raising our very young family.

    I have 2 other daughters; the middle one is aged 19 months and the oldest is a 3-year-old. My whole life has been turned upside down. I have no suicidal thoughts as I have three girls and I am all they have left. I am also not angry, just extremely sad, empty, vulnerable, powerless, numb, weak, and lonely.

    More than anything I am looking for support from other single dads who have experienced something similar. What has helped me through all this is being able to share my story. I want to know that I am not alone; that there are other single dads out there who have experienced trauma and somehow managed to get through it. I need to see the light at the end of the tunnel because right now I am in survival mode where I am just trying to make it through the day.

    Thank you for taking the time to read my story.

Viewing 8 replies - 1 through 8 (of 8 total)
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    Replies
  • #14964
    onlinecommunity
    Keymaster

    Dear @mikaela_lewis1990, we wanted to send you a warm welcome to the Griefline forums and a heartfelt thank you for reaching out to support another community member in need. We also wanted to acknowledge your own devastating story of loss and to offer our support and understanding in return.

    It sounds like you shared a very precious love with your husband and we hope that you have found ways to continue to cherish your bond with him, as it is yours to hold on to forever. @mykeedee mentioned his ‘memory bank’ where he stores ‘micro’ memories of his beloved wife…what a beautiful and unique way of continuing bonds.

    You mention the overwhelming loneliness you are feeling and we firstly want to let you know that we are here, holding space for you and acknowledging your sadness. Also, it might be helpful to know that whilst loneliness is almost unavoidable at first, there may be ways of alleviating it a little to make things more bearable. You feel like your friends might think you are selfish if you express your grief. You are not alone in thinking this way but as you’ll see in our Coping with Grief article on the Resource Hub, “often, when consumed by grief, we turn away from the one thing that might help us most…other people. We might feel that no one understands us, we have to do this on our own, or that we’re a burden to others…while these are all valid concerns, the benefits of sharing our pain with others almost always overrides the drawbacks.” The article goes on to provide a list of ways to reach out to others to find the support and friendship you truly deserve, one of which you’ve already done by posting on the forums. So you are on your way 😊.


    @mikaela_lewis1990
    , we are so glad you have posted, so that we can bear witness to your grief but also to your compassion to reach out to others, your courage to tell us your story and your strength to care for and protect your little boy. We hope you will find a sense of belonging here. We are here for you 🌸.

    #14930
    mykeedee
    Participant

    Hello, thank you for your reply. I would very much appreciate the opportunity to speak with you. The biggest concern I have is for my daughters, so learning things from your perspective could certainly help me with my children. I am so sorry for your loss and hope your family also finds a way to keep moving forward.

    #14929
    mykeedee
    Participant

    Hello. Thank you for reading my story. I have found writing to be therapeutic. I have a little memory bank where I add all the memories I have, even the smallest details like the way she blew her nose or how she removed her shoes when she entered the house. I find these finer details helpful in keeping her memory long-lasting.

    #14928
    mykeedee
    Participant

    Hello. Thank you so much for your reply and for sharing your story. I didn’t mean for my post to sound gender-specific and I am more than willing to hear from/speak to mothers in the same position as I am. I would very much like to speak with you if that is at all possible.

    #14927
    mikaela_lewis1990
    Participant

    Hi Michael, I’m so sorry to hear of your loss, I’m not a single dad but I am a single mum who lost her husband while she was pregnant. I am 31years old and my husband was 35 and passed away last year from stage 4 bowel cancer, we were married for 3months before he was diagnosed… together for 8years and when he was diagnosed our worlds were torn apart,, we too were the perfect couple, had a love that was strong… I too am struggling to deal with this loss and the overcoming sense of loniness,, I too am not suicidal as I have a son to raise who needs me but am just overcome with sadness alot of the time,, my family live in another state and I don’t seem to have any friends that understand what I’m going through without me sounding selfish.. I understand the feeling of having a part of you missing,,, and it may not be a part that you can see but it’s an emptiness that doesn’t seem to be able to be healed with any simple fix. I’m not sure if this message is designed to help you but just to let you know there are others out there young who are feeling the same things you are.. and going through similar things..

    #14732
    tiki2072016
    Participant

    Dear @mykeedee Michael sending Love & Strength to you & your babies xx So sorry for your loss of your Charlotte. This forum is a great place to check into to share your on going feelings. It is 3mths since I lost my partner of 41yrs reading your story I feel even more privileged to have had that time. I am finding writing in a Journal every night before I go to bed is helping me through my grief. I hope other Dads in similar situation reach out to you. I’m sure the love your three daughter give you will help in a small but large way. Hope you have some family & friends that reach out to you as well.
    Be kind to yourself xx

    #14731
    onlinecommunity
    Keymaster

    Hello @mykeedee and a sincere welcome to the forums. Our hearts go out to you for the sudden loss of your beloved wife Charlotte. The words you have posted and your 45-minute eulogy give us a glimpse into the love you have for Charlotte and an understanding of the depths of your grief which, in essence, is a measure of that love.

    You mention feeling powerless and weak and yet in the midst of your despair, you are finding a super-human strength to commit to getting through the days and being present for your three young daughters including little Runa who surely defied the odds to pull through. We note that her beautiful and unusual name means ‘mighty strength’ which, like you, she seems to personify.

    It’s this strength and courage that is driving you to engage in one of the most important self-care strategies in grief recovery – reaching out to others to share your story and seeking support from others, especially dads with a shared experience. Here on the forums we all share in your experience of grief and loss and are here to support you on your journey in our own ways. As part of this the community coordinator will contact you to help facilitate engagement with bereaved dads.

    For now, you might like to take a look at this article on our Resource Hub which provides more tips on coping with grief including ways to take care of your mental, emotional and physical health & gaining a better understanding of yourself and a healthy future outlook.

    Psychologist Jamie Cannon says “when someone is formed as part of you, there will eternally be a space in your life that fits only them…there will never be a day when we wake up and forget the missing elements of our lives [but] eventually, the pain that accompanies this remembering will dull and be less acute when it hits…ultimately, we will find other outlets into which we can pour our devotion and energy.” It’s a very real and raw quote but perhaps it will give you some hope for finding that light at the end of the tunnel you are searching for.


    @mykeedee
    , we hope you will keep posting and sharing. We are thinking of you and we are here for you. 🌸

    #14730
    GL friend
    Participant

    Hi Michael,

    I am sorry to hear about your loss and my heart goes out to you. You are right. I encourage anyone in the community, especially single fathers who can relate to you, to jump in with their kind heart.

    The words of support that I can offer you are from the perspective of a daughter of a single dad. My mum died a few years ago, not long after a miscarriage, and I have watched my dad go through the cycles of grief. It was never clear to us what caused mums death. It seemed like a number of complicated situations.

    He has been angry, sad, upset, anxious, nervous, hopeless, and its been very hard for him to find his own identity and build new relationships with his children. I think he finds solace in talking to family members, looking at mums photos and reminiscing on their time together. He is strong and he has his days.

    Michael, you are not alone. You are supported. Everything you need to get through this is within you. There is light at the end of the tunnel. It is okay to take it one day at a time and return to your breath as needed throughout the day. You are welcome to reach out any time. We are here to support.

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