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Mum had a sudden worsening of her breathing and went straight into ICU. She was there 20 days trying to recover enough to get out and back home with us. On Monday 7th August at 3:26pm she stopped breathing and died in my arms in the ICU. Both my sister and father were there too.
I have never experienced this sort of grief even with other deaths in the family. It is all encompassing and even 2 weeks later I still am unable to think or concentrate on anything for more than a few minutes before thoughts of mum intrude and I feel my heart breaking all over again. I haven’t slept properly for over a month now. Even though I have started to see a counsellor once a week and have found it very helpful, I find it so hard to be alone and want to be able to talk about mum all the time. The house where I live now with dad we used to live there with mum as well. Dad is not coping very well either, and that adds to my concern as I fear for him as well. He is now a widower and says he feels there is no reason to keep living life. I could not bear to lose dad as well.
I have had to go back to work and I am finding that so difficult as I am always on hyper alert and stressed while being unable to think and much to slow at my job. I fear I will lose my job if I cannot begin to go back to normal. But nothing will go back to normal. Mum is gone and with that so is my anchor and rock. Dad doesnt talk and I need to. Mum and I used to talk all the time. Now there is an empty chair an a dark house.
I just dont know what to do or how to survive this nightmare.
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