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On January 11th 2022 my dad killed himself.
My sister and I had planned to go to the movies with our dad, and we were all messaging each other on the 9th of January organising it for the 12th. We had not seen him since Boxing Day so we were excited.
After that night on the 9th we never heard from him again. On the 12th my sister and I were calling him many times trying to work out when we would be going to the movies. He did not pick up. Other family members started calling too. He would not pick up. We knew this was strange, especially since he would email us if he had lost his phone or something. He was extremely reliable, and usually the one to contact us first. We were a little worried, but also at 17 and 14, were naïve and thought there was a logical explanation.
Our whole world turned upside down when we got back to our mums house after getting our hair cut on the morning of the 12th of January. There were out of uniform police officers, and my mum in tears sitting on the couch. I froze and my stomach dropped. I stared into space as my mum and the officers told us our dad had taken his own life.
He was a police officer. I don’t know exactly why he did it, but he had talked to me about PTSD from his job (which he was getting help for), and I’m guessing that was a contributing factor.
People keep telling me I am allowed to feel angry, but mostly I just feel sad that my dad saw that as the only way to get out of his own head. He went to therapy, exercised a lot, made changes at work and still could not escape. There were no signs at all, but I wish it had not come to that.
I really urge you to get help if you are having suicidal thoughts. Trust me, there is someone in this world who will be really heartbroken if you die 🙁
I would be honoured to hear from people with similar stories.
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