My dad committed suicide.

[teew]

On January 11th 2022 my dad killed himself.

My sister and I had planned to go to the movies with our dad, and we were all messaging each other on the 9th of January organising it for the 12th. We had not seen him since Boxing Day so we were excited.

After that night on the 9th we never heard from him again. On the 12th my sister and I were calling him many times trying to work out when we would be going to the movies. He did not pick up. Other family members started calling too. He would not pick up. We knew this was strange, especially since he would email us if he had lost his phone or something. He was extremely reliable, and usually the one to contact us first. We were a little worried, but also at 17 and 14, were naïve and thought there was a logical explanation.

Our whole world turned upside down when we got back to our mums house after getting our hair cut on the morning of the 12th of January. There were out of uniform police officers, and my mum in tears sitting on the couch. I froze and my stomach dropped. I stared into space as my mum and the officers told us our dad had taken his own life.

He was a police officer. I don’t know exactly why he did it, but he had talked to me about PTSD from his job (which he was getting help for), and I’m guessing that was a contributing factor.

People keep telling me I am allowed to feel angry, but mostly I just feel sad that my dad saw that as the only way to get out of his own head. He went to therapy, exercised a lot, made changes at work and still could not escape. There were no signs at all, but I wish it had not come to that.

I really urge you to get help if you are having suicidal thoughts. Trust me, there is someone in this world who will be really heartbroken if you die 🙁

I would be honoured to hear from people with similar stories.

Topic

[VM- thanasis43]

Hi @teew, thank you for being brave and vulnerable enough to share your story on the forum. I am so sorry to hear of your loss and how it must be affecting your whole family. Although I have not personally experienced something similar, I know many others on the forums have.

Suicide is both sudden and traumatic, which often complicates grief, however, it sounds like (especially for someone so young) you have already managed to develop an awareness of your feelings, resourcefulness in seeking out Griefline, and even compassion for others.

Suicide does often cause anger in those left behind and it’s incredibly compassionate that you are instead able to understand your dad must have been having such a hard time, and did not take his life as an act to hurt anybody else. It sounds like he loved you and made many efforts to stay with you, and that you are able to appreciate that is very admirable too.

I’m wondering what else you are already doing to take care of your mental health? Have you checked out any of the Griefline resources for coping with loss? This link may be helpful: https://griefline.org.au/resources/understanding-the-symptoms-of-grief/

Please keep talking x

[VM-LAJE]

Dear Teew

Thank you for reaching out to Griefline.

I am wondering how the past few days have been for you since you posted on the forum?

As someone who has experienced the loss of two loved ones by suicide, I can understand the shock you describe, as well as the numbness. These are normal feelings, as well as sadness and anger if it does arise at some point.

I hear that people holding a space for your anger, but it is more sadness you are experiencing right now. It can be sad to put yourself into your loves ones shoes when they were feeling so low. It might be difficult for you to understand how this could happen when you both had plans to look forward to. It is also sad to feel the loneliness of his passing.

I am wondering how you have been taking care of yourself since your dad’s passing? And how have your family come together at this time?

I really appreciate your advice to other people who may be experiencing hard times and considering taking their life. You are an advocate for those people; what a gift.

Thank you for sharing your story with us.

[teew]

Hello,

I am sorry to hear that u have also lost people to suicide.

To be honest, in the last few days I have been missing my dad quite a lot, and I have been wanting to seek out a police report and/or an autopsy report. I am not sure if that would be a good idea or not for my mental health but I just feel like I need something more.

In regards to my family, my grandparents are understandably devastated, as is his partner. My mum (although divorced) is also struggling a lot with having to take on full financial responsibility of mine and my sister’s care, without child support now, so she is stressed and angry at him.

I have basically just been paying more attention to doing what makes me happy, rather than what people expect of me, to help my mental health.

Thank u for your response, and feel free to share more about your own story if u want xx

• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by teew.

[vmmu1an]

Dear @teew,

I am really sorry about your loss and the challenges you and your family must have been through in these past few months. It must have been a devastating experience for you to lose someone you love at such a young age and so unexpectedly, especially when you were so looking forward to the movies and meeting your dad after a long time, and came home to seeing police officers and crying mum. My heart goes out to you for your loss and the suffering you have endured.

Losing someone is stressful and upsetting, especially since you were not given a chance to say goodbye…yet you show incredible resilience and courage to write this post, and you are even trying to help others who may have similar experiences! I wonder how have you been coping with the loss of your dad – with all the shock, the confusion, and the heartbreak. How are you doing?

You may have seen these articles on the Griefline’s Resource Hub, but I thought it may be helpful to share it with you again to understand the symptoms of grief and some ways to cope;

Coping with Grief

Grief Recovery Part 1: In Search of Lost Strengths

Hey @teew, I want to let you know that we care for you. We are here to listen and support you, and we hope to hear back from you. Feel free to reply to my post, or call Griefline (1300 845 745) from 6am to 12am AEDT.

[Author]

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