Missing my hubby

[patches63]

My husband died in April 2020 after 6month battle with cancer which saw him spend fair portion of time in hospital. During that time I became very close to eldest of my step sons who started to call me mum few months before his dad died. My husband and I temporarily moved with my elderly father in law for reasons of practicality and support. About 4 weeks after my husbands death his sister told me to leave her fathers home which I did and returned to my own home, this coming after couple very unpleasant messages from my husbands sister to me. I was employed full time, had taken lot of time off work following the diagnosis. 1 week after the funeral and I was back at work, thought I was ok until hit by delayed grief few months later. February this year I started selling my home and have recently sold my home and will be moving to new home in few months. Selling has been so stressful and am missing my husband so much. Missing discussing things, his support, celebrating things together. Seeing gp tomorrow about getting some professional help due to mental health issues also

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[VM-Sun71]

Moving house is always traumatic and delayed grief probably hasn’t made the move easy for you. It’s natural to miss your husband at this time especially as his family has been so matter of fact. I understand how work could be a nice distraction when you’re missing your husband so. I hope your gp appointment goes well and you’re able to get the professional help you need.

[VMSal]

Dear Patches63, I’m so sorry for all that you have been through. Unpleasantness from other family members is painful, and can really add unwanted layers on top of the grief you feel for your husband. What comes across from your words is someone who has been and still is trying to do her best in challenging and distressing circumstances, and that takes strength. But even the strongest of us need support now and then, so thank you for reaching out here and sharing a bit of your story. I hope you are able to find the support you need. Meanwhile, we are here for you.

[vmpercy]

Dear Patches63, your strength and resilience, evident in the way you’ve navigated through these tough times, is truly amazing. It’s clear that you’ve been a rock for your step-son in the face of this difficult time. While it’s necessary to stay strong, it’s equally important to give space to your feelings and acknowledge your grief. It’s okay to not be okay sometimes.

You’ve shown immense courage in seeking help and that’s an important step in healing. Just as VM-Sun71 mentioned, moving and changing places can be highly stressful, but it can also serve as a chance for a fresh start and new beginnings. Use this opportunity to create spaces in your new home that bring you comfort and peace. Incorporating self-care routines, like journaling your thoughts, indulging in hobbies, or even just taking a peaceful walk can help in managing your feelings. The void left by your husband is irreplaceable but cherishing his memories and keeping him alive in your thoughts can offer some comfort. We’re here to listen and support you. You’re not alone in this journey.

[VM-Luna]

Hello @Patches63,
It is heartbreaking when the longing for your loved one re-emerges when your life has big changes, as it is now with the selling of your home and moving into another, one with no physical or emotional ties/memories of your late husband. It truly becomes the ending of an era and the beginning of a new one, so I understand the refreshing of your grief at this time.
It can be hard to find pleasure in life when you miss your husband’s presence and counsel at such momentous times, and feelings of loss, trepidation, anxiety, and stress come to the forefront.
I am glad to hear that you are seeking professional help to assist you and that you are reaching out to find support.
It does sound like you’ve just been holding on for the last 3 years since your husband’s passing, and the focus is on getting through rather than reflecting and healing. It is time for your healing and recovery from the strain, trauma, and loss of the last few years to be addressed, a challenging path to be sure, but a very rewarding one, as you get to know You again!
Below is a link, if you want to have a look and maybe complete some of the suggested activities. It helps to recognise the inner strength that you have shown in the past few years (and during your husband’s illness) and may also bring to your mind some of the other qualities that have kept you going, as it is easy to forget those parts of ourselves when we are feeling low, overwhelmed or stressed. Please reach out again, call our helpline, book a call back call, we are here to support you as best we can. Wishing you well.

Grief Recovery Part 2: Recognise and Engage Your Strengths

• This reply was modified 1 year, 6 months ago by VM-Luna.

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