Missing Mum

[matilda]

Evening, I guess I am here to try & get perspective & I am not losing my mind. My mother passed on Christmas Morning at 8am 2020. She also had Dementia for 8yrs & died aged 71. There were so many times of mourning. As you can imagine 2021 was a bit of a blur. 2022 was a “trying to move on in Life”. As Xmas is approaching out of the blue, I started to get anxious a couple weeks ago. Time is getting closer, and I am getting so much worse. I cry, I get angry, self-doubt, sleep is crap, & then to add to it my friend tells me I am needy. I am hurt and angry with that as well. I said to friend that only a person who had not walked the road of grief or trauma would say something like that. I guess in saying all this I am doing a lot of reflecting as well as mourning. I feel like I am on a roller coaster of emotion. I guess I would like to know, “am I normal”? Is this grief?
Thank You

Topic

[vmmichelle]

Hi Matilda. I am sorry for your loss. Losing a parent is a major loss as they often are someone who has been a constant figure throughout our lives. As you approach the anniversary of your mum’s passing it is natural that it will bring up a lot of emotions, and probably more so due to the anniversary being Christmas day as this is a time when we tend to think of family. Yes, you are normal as there is no right or wrong way to grieve – it is an individual experience. As you say, when we experience grief it can be a roller coaster of emotions. I have attached a link to the Griefline website resources on ways to help cope with grief. https://griefline.org.au/resources/coping-with-grief/. Surround yourself with those who are supportive and disregard those that make negative comments. Also, if you would like to talk to someone about your experience of loss and grief there are trained and caring counsellors available at Griefline on 1300 845 745. Thank you for reaching out and try to be kind to yourself.

[matilda]

Thank you vmmichelle, I appreciate your advice.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 5 months ago by matilda.

[vm_sapphire]

Dear Matilda,

Thank you for reaching out and sharing what you’ve been through. This time of the year is often stressful enough without the loss of someone so important. As Michelle has done, I would like to acknowledge your loss and ask “how are you?”
You may not be aware but the creators of the podcast Good Mourning (Sal and Im) each experienced the loss of their Mum and found that there wasn’t much support out there for daughters who have lost their Mums. If you haven’t already listened to their podcasts may I invite you to check it out at https://www.goodmourning.com.au.
In the meantime, please be gentle with yourself and remember to go easy on yourself. You are doing the best that you can in an extremely difficult situation.
Please reach out to us if and when you need to – you are not alone.

[leighstott]

Hi Matilda,

It’s beautiful that you still talk about your Mum as you are. Everything you are going through is absolutely normal. When you grieve like you are it’s because the love you and your Mum had for each other was incredibly strong. That will be eternal too.

You will get through. Don’t rush it, let yourself feel all of the emotions fully. Time will get you through in the end.

I just lost both of my parents in the last two months and I am grieving the same as you.

Keep strong for your beautiful Mum.

Leigh.

[matilda]

Hi Leigh, thank you for your response & kind words. Its much appreciated. I truly feel for you losing both parents would be so incredibly hard & can only imagine the pain and struggle that would entail. Sending you a lot of love. I appreciate your words. its hard to just feel. I did honour my mum on Xmas day though. I went to where I released her ashes and just sat there. Then I came home and had a margarita or 3 for her. She wasn’t a big drinker but if she did that was her preference. I cried and cried. Big belly cries and from the heart. I haven’t let go like that since Xmas morning when she passed. I have found this 2nd year far harder than the first year. Her B’day is 4 days after Xmas. Its a tough week to be honest. She would have been 74. My emotions have settled down again now. I just need to find a way to walk with grief hand in hand. Its a work in progress.

You will be in my prayers Leigh and once again am sending love

Matilda

[leighstott]

Thanks for your thoughtful message Matilda. That is great what you did for your Mum on Christmas Day. She would be happy seeing you happy. I know what you mean about those big belly cries.

I am finding this really tough. Today was an incredibly hard day for me. I will try and draw from your strength for tomorrow.

Thank you for your prayers and love Matilda.

Leigh

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