Lost without my Dad

[avey]

My Dad, my best mate, died from sudden cardiac arrest on August 7th 2022. The past 5 months has been the most bizarre blur I’ve ever experienced. The pain I physically feel when I remember he’s not coming back and I’ll never see him again is so unbearable. I have pushed reality down since and have now hit rock bottom. Trying to live my life without my Dad is so hard I don’t know how to. And I have emotionally lost my Mum cause her heart is so broken 😞 I’m hoping to find others out there who have lost their Dads too and help each other though this.

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[VM-Mancha1]

Hello @avey,

I lost my dad quite a few years ago, but it was very sudden and traumatic – and I can relate to your mum in this too, mine could not cope with what had happened and she withdrew from the family for a number of years. I can only imagine how hard this is for you right now, and I (along with everyone else here, I am sure) am reaching out to welcome you to this space. This is a safe place to share your pain and loss, as it’s the one thing we all share in common.

Grief and loss can be so painful to deal with and that physical feeling you describe is not uncommon, it’s perfectly normal to struggle with this. Over time it might not get easier, but our ability to carry it and our inner strengths can rise to meet it, if we give ourselves the best chance to do so. I know for me I was paralysed for months with a sense of guilt, as I had been overseas for several years before I lost my dad. I told myself I had robbed both myself and him of the chance to connect and spend those last years together, and so much more. It took me a while to realise that being kind to myself was the start of accepting and growing my strength. This page on the griefline site talks about that, and can possibly help you: https://griefline.org.au/resources/grief-recovery-part-2-recognise-and-engage-your-strengths/

The most important thing I can say right now is to reach out. Reach out to Griefline and talk to the volunteer support staff there, who are available to help you and share this space with you so you’re not alone. Reach out in this forum, to the others who’ve experienced losses and who are here to share your pain and put their virtual arms around you. Don’t close off or be alone – and don’t be afraid to come here, every day, and tell us how you’re going. That’s what this forum is for.

Take care of yourself, and come back soon.

[shayleigh]

Hello, I know circumstances are very different but I too lost my father a few months ago, due to unknown reasons. His body was too decomposed for us to really know a cause they suspect alcoholic liver disease. It’s really hard for me, we weren’t ever in touch most of my life after age 12 I stopped seeing him, reconnected at age 23 and got real close then lost him at age 25. Finding him there after so long has really been etched in my mind.

[VM-Kay]

Hello Avey,
The pain you describe is very common. Your heart has been broken and the pain is inevitable, because pain is part of the love you have for your Dad. It sounds like you were very close and so it’s understandable that you miss him enormously.
I’m imagining, because you describe him as your best mate, that you experienced a lot of things with your Dad. Try to focus on the all the great times you had together, and maybe you could even do something that will create a continuing bond with him, something that was special to you both. There are some ideas to consider what might work for you @ https://griefline.org.au/resources/coping-with-grief/

People often think that grief has an endpoint, but it doesn’t. The grief just changes as your life grows and you learn to live around the empty space left by your Dad. As VM-Mancha mentions, you are welcome to reach out, talk to someone, make use of the resources to help yourself through this time, and perhaps you can also guide your Mum to these pages as she is also struggling with her grief. We are all here for you anytime you need us. Take care Avey

[VM-Kay]

Hello Avey,
I just wanted to check in on you and see how you and your Mum are doing. Remember that grief is an individual experience and no two people grieve the same. I hope that you have been able to make time to look at the resources mentioned by myself and VM-Mancha as they will certainly help you through your journey. Use these forums as a way of listening to other people’s stories, it will help you to make sense of your own. Thinking of you Avey, we are here for you.

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