Lost my wife

[phill]

My name is phill
I lost my wife 2 weeks ago to cancer.
Julie was my best friend and I miss her so much, I am trying to do the best for myself as we discussed what she wanted me to do

I am just sad for my loss but I know she is still with me in my heart

Topic

[mike]

I feel for what Phill must be going through as I’ve also lost my beloved wife Nicole recently to a cancer related illness. It was sudden and shocking. Late in the evening I gave her a kiss at the Emergency Department
and told her I would see her in the morning. Early that morning, a doctor called and gave me terrible news – the infection was far worse than anyone expected. By the time I made it back to see her, she was already in a coma. She died 2 days after that. I take some comfort in the fact she didn’t suffer much in her final moments. She was well looked after by the palliative care team. Nicole never lost her fighting spirit and her sweet smile when faced with relentless illnesses linked to her bone marrow cancer. She also had to adjust to the loss of her independence following the operation to another cancer in her left shoulder bone, about 3 years ago. It was very hard, yet she handled it extremely well considering.
I miss her so much! It’s hard to envision a time in the future when life will feel colourful and vibrant again. I have to remind myself that Nicole would wish me to heal and find a zest for life – it requires patience and I guess I’ll find my own tools to cope through the grieving process.

[VM-herewithyou]

Hi Phill,

I’m so very sorry for the loss of your wife, Julie. It’s clear from your words how deeply you loved and cherished her. Losing someone who was not only your wife but also your best friend leaves a void that can feel impossible to fill, and it’s completely natural to feel overwhelmed with sadness right now.

It sounds like you and Julie had meaningful conversations about how you would move forward, and that speaks to the deep connection and love you shared. While knowing what she wanted for you might provide some comfort, it doesn’t take away the pain of her absence. Grief is complex, and it’s okay to feel sad, even if you also feel her presence with you in your heart.

You’re already showing incredible strength by honouring her wishes and trying to take care of yourself during this difficult time. Remember that grief isn’t something you need to rush through or “get over”—it’s a process, and it’s okay to take it one day, or even one moment, at a time.

If there’s anything you’d like to talk through or if you just need someone to listen, we are here for you. Please be gentle with yourself as you navigate this journey. Julie’s love will always be a part of you, and you don’t have to go through this alone.

[phill]

Thank you

[VM-stel18]

Hi Phill. I’m so sorry that you lost your lovely Julie recently. It sounds like you had a very close relationship and that she will definitely be in your heart forever. It’s good that you reached out to the Griefline community on this forum, and it is important to know that you can continue to do this. I agree with @May7 that it might be a good idea to talk to one of the volunteers at Griefline by calling the helpline on 1300 845 745. Perhaps you have already done this. Talking to others is often helpful as grief can feel like a very lonely experience. Hopefully there are others around you who you can lean on for support as well. I hope you are looking after yourself as best as you can by taking care of your basic day-to-day needs, even though this can seem so hard to do, and also allowing yourself to feel a variety of emotions that come up during this very difficult time. Hopefully you might have looked at the resources on the Griefline website (https://griefline.org.au/resources) – if not, maybe pick a time that might be okay for you to do this. Reading about grief on the website and talking to a volunteer can help you understand that there are a lot of emotions that come up during the grief process and that there is hope of a future where you feel better even though things can seem so overwhelming at the moment. I wish you well Phill. We’re here for you in the Griefline community.

[phill]

Thank you

[vmmay7]

Hi Phill,

Firstly, thank you for reaching out and sharing with us here. I am so sorry for your loss and send you my condolences. I can’t begin to imagine what you are going through, losing your special person and best friend must feel so incredibly painful.

It’s so admirable that you are trying to honour what Julie wanted for you, but it’s also okay to allow yourself to feel and do whatever it is that you need during this time. You are experiencing a profound loss, so allow yourself to feel the weight of that sadness as you navigate this new chapter.

Grief can come in waves, and some days may feel tougher than others. Remember that you’re not alone, and you can always reach out when you feel like you need support.
Please feel free to continue sharing with us here on the Griefline forums, and of course please give the Helpline a ring on 1300 845 745, the volunteers are there to support you.

Take care of yourself during this time, Phill, and allow yourself the space to grieve and heal in whatever way you need.

Take care

[Author]

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