Lost my partner of 26 years 4 days ago to stage 4 copd now I feel lost

[homer]

I lost my partner 4 days ago to stage 4 copd.I was by her side till the end,in the beginning I accepted it better than I thought but a few days later I find myself putting on a brave face for my son’s sake.I find all I want to do is sleep all the time

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[debsayge]

Hello dear Homer,
Thank you for coming in and sharing with us all here, we can sit by your side we can hold you and your child in your heartache and we are listening….
I see how much love you have for your son in your words, we as parents feel that need to nurture them always so allowing them to see us! in our pain! allows them to feel theirs honestly and with a realness that’s is true for them, this society! I’ve learned!is so grief avoidant, that’s I think what makes it all the more painful for the broken lives everywhere….I am a bereaved Mumma of my beautiful girl Sayge, barely 19, I’m still in such disbelief and struggling everyday….
Do what’s right for you both in the moment….really my hope for you is that around you are people to comfort and support you with all the mix of emotions your feeling…of course your sleeping a lot your body has so much going on inside, be ok with that, be with what you feel as painful as it is, and hold your son in his…sometimes! softness is strong…
Please keep sharing we are all here listening and much love to you today dear friend, I hope to have been helpful to you today
XxDeb

[homer]

We have been through so much over the years,we lost a child at full term,because of a rare blood disorder.She was such a soldier she suffered two heart attacks by the age of 35 the second one was a major one ,she ended up with DVT diabetes,she suffered a bite from a white tip spider which ate half of her calf muscle away on one leg

[debsayge]

Dear Homer,
Oh my gosh it’s such a heavy load you have been carrying for so long…..your son has been shown such compassion from the way you have! as you say been right beside your love the whole time…..just to let you also know there is a post by bereavedwife who you may relate….
Keep posting, you are being seen! by many broken hearts here.
Love for you today Homer
Xx

[VM-Mancha1]

Hello @Homer, thank you for coming here and sharing, especially given how you say you’re feeling right now.

Grief is such a complex experience of loss, and at just 4 days this must be so fresh and overwhelming. I think it’s perfectly natural to feel we have a ‘handle on it’ at some points – I can distinctly remember the day my father passed away, taking the call and then heading to work because I thought I was okay.

You have taken a great step by coming here and sharing your story. This forum is filled with people who have had their own experiences of loss, each profoundly different but also so much of it shared. Step 1, keep coming back. Step 2, it’s really important to keep some basics in place, around making time for healthy routines and your wellbeing – this article will help with that: https://griefline.org.au/resources/east-toolkit/

Step 3, it’s really important to find the support you need and to learn what can help. You’ve shown strength already by coming here and seeking help – this article will help you to find the other strengths you have, and to start using them to help yourself as much as you can: https://griefline.org.au/resources/grief-recovery-part-1-in-search-of-lost-strengths/

Keep coming back Homer, you’re in the right place.

[jamie62]

Hi Homer
Thanks for posting your story. Your pain is real and I hope that by sharing it with others you can feel heard and honoured.

[vmremember]

Dear Homer,
It has been a week and 2 days since you posted your story.

To be by your wife’s side at her time of need would have brought great comfort that the person she had shared her life with was there until the end.

How very loving and compassionate you were.

You said that you just want to sleep… this is a natural response during this time of grief.

There is a Griefline resource called EAST that maybe helpful for you: https://griefline.org.au/resources/east-toolkit/ it has information about eating, activities, sleeping and time.

Take care of yourself and I want you to know that we are here for you and your son during this time of grief and loss.
Keep posting you are being heard and stay connected to those around you.

[vmsunshine]

Hi there Homer

It sounds as if you are experiencing some overwhelming emotions during this time. After 26 years together, understandably so.

You have shown great strength considering all you have experienced. You mentioned your wife was like a soldier? It sounds as if she was resilient also. I would like to hear more about her if you want to share during this time?

Please be kind to yourself during this time, gift yourself compassion and allow yourself time to grieve.

Continue to reach out here on this forum, or call Griefline 1300 845 745 if you want to speak with somebody.

Thank you kindly for sharing on this forum.

[homer]

I haven’t posted anything for a while but we had a memorial party for my partner on Saturday at first I wasn’t sure if I wanted to or not but on Friday afternoon my daughter rang me and told me that her ashes were ready to bring home and the fact that they were only 7 minutes away from home made it even more satisfying.I feel a lot better with her being home and it made it a lot easier on Saturday.Im not sure if I did the right thing or not but on Saturday at her party I let everybody know that my partner left mea goodbye audio message in the message she told me to let our friends and family know that she loved them very much,so I thought what better way to give them the message was to play the audio message to them all it’s still so hard to hear her voice I miss her every day.

[vmmichelle]

Hello Homer,
Thank you for sharing. Having a memorial party for your partner sounds like a lovely way for everyone to come together and share their feelings of grief and loss for your loved one. I think it was very special that you shared the audio message that your partner left you asking you to let them know how much she loved them all. It sounds like she was a very caring person. I can relate to the difficulty of hearing the voice of a lost loved one. I still have a voicemail on my phone from my Uncle – he was like a father to me. Whilst it can make me sad at times, it also gives me comfort. Please remember that grief is an individual journey so be kind to yourself and give yourself as much time as you need. If you would like to speak to someone don’t hesitate to call Griefline on 1300 845 745 or keep connecting with this forum – you are not alone. Take care.

[Author]

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