February 18, 2021 at 10:39 am #14310JackMParticipant
The days feel like they are getting more and more difficult to get through. I still really struggle to even accept that she’s gone. I feel like I’ve lost any purpose I had to life at all, I don’t see a point anymore. I feel like I’m letting her down by feeling so down all the time, she wouldn’t want me to be sad but how can I not be.
We had a future planned together, she only just finished university when she first got sick and things were perfect between us, we had our whole lives ahead of us. I can’t imagine life without her and feel very guilty that I’m the one still here. It feels like the worlds still spinning, everyones getting on with their lives but I’m stuck in place, hell I can’t even spend more than a minute in our room. I don’t understand why things had to end up like this. She was always the one I could go to when times got tough and we always made it through but I just don’t know anymore. It absolutely kills me to think that the girl I wanted to spend my life with and have so many memories with isn’t here anymore, I long for her all day and all night.
Don’t know why I’m so nervous for tomorrow, it just never gets any easier, there’s no light at the end of the tunnel. I think I try to let people know that I’m not coping at all with being alone but I think I’m a broken record now and everyone has their own lives to go on with. I call a hotline like every other night and just thinking of that makes me sad too. I did a safety plan with my counsellor too, which makes me realise how bad things are too, nothing seems to be good at all.February 18, 2021 at 2:30 pm #14311onlinecommunityKeymaster
Hi @JackM, welcome to the forums. We are so glad you have reached out and thank you for your courage in sharing your story of love and loss with us. In return, you have our understanding and support as you navigate these early days in the grief process.
With the passing of your beautiful partner only one month ago it sounds like your grief experience is very intense right now… finding it hard to accept the loss, feeling confused, stuck, guilty and with no purpose…these are all the hallmarks of this early period and something our community describes often. We hope it helps for you to know that you are not alone in this.
You mention you feel like you’re letting her down by being sad, so perhaps you can’t see the brave and pro-active steps you are taking to heal every day…letting people know you’re not coping, calling the hotline, opening up to your counsellor and expressing yourself in writing here on the forums. This is all really significant work you are doing. And while you feel like you don’t have a purpose, all of this work has real purpose to it…you are navigating and processing your grief. Be kind to yourself and acknowledge the enormous strength you are mustering every day.
Right now it’s also important to take care of your mental, emotional and physical health. Here are some self-care tips which we’ve hand-picked for you from the Griefline website. There are many more here.
• Identify and name your feelings. Rather than avoiding them or fighting them, try to accept them and slowly they will become easier to manage.
• When you feel negative emotions try mood-regulating techniques such as mindfulness, slow breathing or prayer (try the Mindfulness exercise on Griefline’s website here).
• Give yourself permission to cry and give words to your distressing emotions. Work towards distinguishing grief from other feelings such as fear, uncertainty, guilt, shame and anger.
• Practice gratitude exercises. Remind yourself how grateful you are for the time spent with your lost one or how thankful you are for others’ love and support. It’s often helpful to tell them too.
• Create a safe and comforting space for yourself. This can be in real life or your imagination (try the Reflecting on Positive Experiences mindfulness exercise on Griefline’s website https://griefline.org.au/resources/rest-and-relaxation/).
We hope this will be of some help either now or over the coming months. We will be thinking of you tomorrow on the Anniversary, and invite you to let us know how you’re getting through. 🌸
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