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Lost my little boy, Ivar – 6 Years old

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Home Forums Loss of a pet Lost my little boy, Ivar – 6 Years old

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  • #25196
    john
    Participant

    as I’m typing this, I’m in tears. Approx 7 years ago a cat I had for a year vanished. Never found him. A few weeks later I got another little boy he was 6 weeks old. His name is Ivar. The scarediest cat you would ever meet. But he was my little boy. I raised him on my own, and I knew he loved me as much as I loved him. So, a few years ago, I moved to a different suburb and live in the same street as my parents. Therefore, in order for him not to be on his own, I took him to my parents’ house in the morning before i went to work and being determined never to lose the little guy and keep him safe, we put a harness and lead on him. I continuedly instructed my parents to keep him tied up if they weren’t watching him. I emphasized that all the time. I was told they would, and i also was told he wouldn’t go anywhere either…. So, this arrangement worked for a couple of years.

    On the 22nd of April that all changed. I took him over as usual, went to work but when i came home and went to collect him, they told me he had vanished. About 3 to 4 hours before i got home. My heart just got smashed into a million pieces. I went out searching for him to no avail. I’ve been searching for him every night and day since then, even going into people’s backyards that are close to my parents’ house. No sign. He wasn’t a cat that went out onto the street. As i said earlier, he is a very scared cat. He was scared of the leaves blowing around in the wind! Plus, the fact he was wearing his harness and lead made me think he has got stuck somewhere and that really took me down a rabbit hole. My neighbor who has been a great help and been walking every night with me has reassured me that cats have an amazing ability to get out of things like harnesses when they need to. The thing about this is its different and harder than death. At least you know your pet died and however distressing it is, at least you know what happened. In this case you don’t know where he is, whether he is alive or dead, whether he has been taken, or simply hiding and roaming. And i also live alone and he was my mate and companion who kept me company. The other thing that is distressing is i live in a very quiet area, and we seem to be a community. The whole street knows, I’ve been searching around the area every night, I’ve rang vets, pound, council/ranger, distributed fliers… Truth is i am absolutely exhausted.

    I have screamed from the pain, i have cried a lot, the feeling of emptiness of losing your mate of 6 years and not knowing is the hardest. I’ve blamed myself for failing to protect him and not being there to stop him from running off, or another one is i didn’t love him enough. But i know the truth, i love the little guy with all my heart, and he knew as he loved me. He only did what cats do, go off and explore and sometimes they get themselves into trouble like this time. I really miss his presence, just walking around my house for example, and how he used to curl up on my legs as i was watching tv or sleeping. My parents are devasted too, one for losing him under their watch and next the pain I’m in.

    I’m really at my wits end, i bought a new little kitten a few days ago and he warms my heart how quickly he has taken to me. I know i should pour all my love and focus on him now, but i still feel that bond with my Ivar and all i want is to find him or for him to come home. As i said the not knowing and the emptiness is tearing me up. At the same time and i hope this doesn’t sound bad, but i have to give up looking for him so i can truly move on. Keeping the hope alive is keeping the wound open. I am getting better ever so slowly, but i just want him back.

    Thanks for reading this guys.

    • This topic was modified 1 year, 2 months ago by john.
    • This topic was modified 1 year, 2 months ago by john.
Viewing 3 replies - 1 through 3 (of 3 total)
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  • #25214
    VM-Suki80
    Participant

    Dear @john,

    I really feel for you and your little mate Ivar (great name by the way). Reading your post has made me feel like we are kindred spirits in how we feel about our cats.

    Thank you so much for posting in this tumultuous time, Ivar sounds like an incredible friend and I wish with all my heart that he comes back after his adventure. I had a buddy named Elliot who vanished and so I can relate to everything you are feeling (sadness, panic, grief, anger, self blame, desperation, endless worry). I agree that it is the not knowing that overwhelms the most (that is what I struggled with as well).

    It sounds like you are doing everything you can, but I understand that it can also feel like you are not doing enough. I know the constant mental gymnastics of wondering where he is, is he safe, will he come back? I know these are just words on a screen, but even though you are blaming yourself for his disappearance you cannot own all of his behaviours. They are wanderers, they are mischief incarnate, they are built to adapt and survive, and what most people (especially the dog lovers of the world) will not tell you is how much they can love. Ivar sounds incredible. I think the bond we have with our cats goes deeper than most bonds for the fact that they actively choose us. It feels like a relationship based on mutual respect and equality.

    I know it feels like you are possibly not coping, but you are. Everything you are feeling is valid and it sounds like you have your parents support in this time (even though it is difficult for them). I have also found talking to people can really help, and even engaging in the Griefline forum community with others who have lost their friends. If you need extra support you can always call into Griefline on 1800 845 745, the team are really compassionate (especially if you feel like you can’t talk to your folks about him).

    I will be thinking of you, Ivar and your new little friend.
    Good luck x

    #25222
    VM-Callisto
    Participant

    I’m sorry to hear about poor Ivar. He sounds like a much loved companion who brought a lot of joy into your life. It’s really hard when our pets go missing. Not knowing what happened to them and not getting closure creates a lot of worry. I can hear the guilt coming across in your post too. Please try not to blame yourself – as much as we love our pets and try to ensure they have a safe environment, they are animals, and can behave in unpredictable ways. Cats especially are very difficult to lock inside, they will manage to get outside at any opportunity. There is also a sliver of hope that he may be found or return home. It’s always a good idea to put up posters and continue to check vets and pounds nearby. I have found lost cats that way in the past. I hope your new little cat friend brings you some comfort in the weeks ahead. Please reach out again if you need to talk further.

    #25749
    VM-monty
    Participant

    Hello @john,

    I stumbled upon your post earlier and wanted to see how you’re doing.

    I am so sorry to hear about your little mate Ivar. He sounds like the most precious little companion. The two of you share such a special bond that is inseparable! As a cat lover, I understand how deeply your love runs for your little guy and how much comfort and support our little friends bring us. But when we love someone so much, not having them there understandably brings such immense and exhausting pain. I, too, have lost my kitten, Monty. He was my shadow who loved to snuggle but was also incredibly curious and went missing one day. I, too, resonate with that constant worry, wondering and desperate yearning to know what may have happened to him, screaming from the pain and the urge to keep looking for him….. it was exhausting for me too. But I want to let you know these feelings are valid and okay! I also hope you know that it is also normal to blame yourself or to feel like there is something you could have or should have done – as you mentioned, that rabbit hole of thoughts is just never-ending! However, as VM-Callisto and VM-Suki80 have mentioned, our furry friends are curious creatures, and their tendency to want to explore the world is unavoidable and never your fault.

    In the meantime, I encourage you to be kind to yourself and spend time with those who care about you and understand what you are going through. Grief can be an incredibly isolating experience; please feel free to keep engaging with the online forum or even chat with one of Grieflines volunteers (1800 845 745).

    I am glad to hear that you are getting better, even if it is slowly. Grief has no set timeline, and everyone’s experience of Grief has its own rhythm. There will be good days and bad days, and that is okay!

Viewing 3 replies - 1 through 3 (of 3 total)
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