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as I’m typing this, I’m in tears. Approx 7 years ago a cat I had for a year vanished. Never found him. A few weeks later I got another little boy he was 6 weeks old. His name is Ivar. The scarediest cat you would ever meet. But he was my little boy. I raised him on my own, and I knew he loved me as much as I loved him. So, a few years ago, I moved to a different suburb and live in the same street as my parents. Therefore, in order for him not to be on his own, I took him to my parents’ house in the morning before i went to work and being determined never to lose the little guy and keep him safe, we put a harness and lead on him. I continuedly instructed my parents to keep him tied up if they weren’t watching him. I emphasized that all the time. I was told they would, and i also was told he wouldn’t go anywhere either…. So, this arrangement worked for a couple of years.
On the 22nd of April that all changed. I took him over as usual, went to work but when i came home and went to collect him, they told me he had vanished. About 3 to 4 hours before i got home. My heart just got smashed into a million pieces. I went out searching for him to no avail. I’ve been searching for him every night and day since then, even going into people’s backyards that are close to my parents’ house. No sign. He wasn’t a cat that went out onto the street. As i said earlier, he is a very scared cat. He was scared of the leaves blowing around in the wind! Plus, the fact he was wearing his harness and lead made me think he has got stuck somewhere and that really took me down a rabbit hole. My neighbor who has been a great help and been walking every night with me has reassured me that cats have an amazing ability to get out of things like harnesses when they need to. The thing about this is its different and harder than death. At least you know your pet died and however distressing it is, at least you know what happened. In this case you don’t know where he is, whether he is alive or dead, whether he has been taken, or simply hiding and roaming. And i also live alone and he was my mate and companion who kept me company. The other thing that is distressing is i live in a very quiet area, and we seem to be a community. The whole street knows, I’ve been searching around the area every night, I’ve rang vets, pound, council/ranger, distributed fliers… Truth is i am absolutely exhausted.
I have screamed from the pain, i have cried a lot, the feeling of emptiness of losing your mate of 6 years and not knowing is the hardest. I’ve blamed myself for failing to protect him and not being there to stop him from running off, or another one is i didn’t love him enough. But i know the truth, i love the little guy with all my heart, and he knew as he loved me. He only did what cats do, go off and explore and sometimes they get themselves into trouble like this time. I really miss his presence, just walking around my house for example, and how he used to curl up on my legs as i was watching tv or sleeping. My parents are devasted too, one for losing him under their watch and next the pain I’m in.
I’m really at my wits end, i bought a new little kitten a few days ago and he warms my heart how quickly he has taken to me. I know i should pour all my love and focus on him now, but i still feel that bond with my Ivar and all i want is to find him or for him to come home. As i said the not knowing and the emptiness is tearing me up. At the same time and i hope this doesn’t sound bad, but i have to give up looking for him so i can truly move on. Keeping the hope alive is keeping the wound open. I am getting better ever so slowly, but i just want him back.
Thanks for reading this guys.
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