January 15, 2021 at 12:36 am #13976JoncouParticipant
Lost my dad on the 1st sept and gave birth to my son on the 10th sept (same day as the funeral). Not really feeling like I’m coping okay. Not sure if it’s normal grief or pnd or both? Love my son but this is our third child (one each from previous relationships), I feel so overwhelmed and exhausted. My partner just tells me to get out of the house and make friends. I am just so sad all of the time, I cry every day multiple times. I am struggling with the three children and don’t feel like I have any support, my mum is dealing with her own feelings, my sister lives in Melbourne and my partner runs his own business. Everyone is busy and getting on with their own lives and I’m just stuck missing my dad.January 18, 2021 at 12:19 pm #13978onlinecommunityKeymaster
Hi @Joncou, welcome to the Griefline forums and thank you for having the courage and strength to share your story. It sounds like you’re going through a really distressing and overwhelming time and we’re glad that you’ve reached out for support and understanding.
There is a chance you are experiencing a mix of pnd and grief at the moment. Have you had a chance to see your GP to discuss this? They are in the best position to diagnose anything more complicated than a normal grief reaction.
That being said, with less than 6 months gone since you lost your Dad you may still be in the midst of your grief particularly because you haven’t had the time or space to fully process his loss with the demands of your newborn and two other children. Sometimes when we don’t have the opportunity to feel, recognise and sit with our emotions we get ‘stuck’ in them rather than moving through them. You might find that writing down what’s happening for you in a journal helps to make sense of what you’re going through, what triggers you to miss him, feel sad and cry. Over time you will hopefully use this insight to prepare yourself for your downtimes during the day/week, with the knowledge that you will emerge from them at some point.
@Joncou, it sounds like you are under an enormous amount of pressure to look after 3 children all day despite not being at your usual capacity due to your grief. However, it might help to remind yourself that the ‘good enough parent’ is the best parent…that is the parent who gives their children the help they need and want but not more than this. As long as your children are safe and you can be sensitive and responsive to their physical and emotional needs you are doing really well under the circumstances. Perhaps you don’t need to strive for perfection with the older children…but instead take some pressure off and give yourself some space to heal…you might find the mindfulness recording on the Griefline website is a soothing way to zone out for a little while when things become overwhelming.
Also having an understanding of grief can really help so please take a look at our resource hub to gain some clarity around what’s happening for you.
In the meantime, you are very welcome here. This is a space where you can connect and download and hopefully feel a little less isolated and misunderstood. Please take care and keep in touch.January 18, 2021 at 6:23 pm #13994GL friendParticipant
hey @Joncou im so sorry to hear about the loss of your dad and the complex feelings you are experiencing since then. i want to say to you – remember that you are allowed and can feel happy and grieve at the same time for different things, if thats how you are feeling. you are the expert in identifying your feelings but i hope you can be kind to yourself and allow yourself to feel all the feelings including grief. sometimes it does feel like everyone is busy and we are alone. i certainly feel that way sometimes. you are strong to reach out for support and your awareness of yourself is the key to your personal healing. we are hear for you.
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