Loss of my partner

[foxie]

My partner passed away 12 January in a Palliative Care Unit. I knew that he was terminally ill with cancer but when it happened it seemed a shock and so final. Like he had disappeared into thin air
He was 70 years old. I am grateful for the support I have had but still have times of feeling lonely and sad.
for some reason it seems to be in the afternoons so I am trying to build structure into the week.

Topic

[VM-The Old Oak Tree]

Hi Foxie,

I’m very sorry to hear of your loss. Of course this is still very early on in your grief journey as you mentioned that your partner died only on the 12th of January. It is normal for feelings of loneliness and sadness to become more troublesome at certain times of the day. So its understandable that you are feeling it more in the afternoons.

Please feel free to call our caring Helpline on 1300 845 745 between the hours of 8am – 8pm (AEDT), 7 days per week. During these conversations, you are able to be supported while you explore how you feel. Also, you can find resources such as articles about Grief and Loss, and related topics within Griefline’s resources hub. Here is the link https://griefline.org.au/resources.

Also, please know that you are not alone. We are here for you. Please feel free to continue to post and add comments within our online forum. We are thinking of you during this difficult time.

• This reply was modified 10 months, 2 weeks ago by VM-The Old Oak Tree.

[foxie]

Thanks very much.

This is very reassuring.

[stefan]

Hi Foxie,

I lost my wife on May31st 2023 and the journey of learning how to cope continues. I have had some awful times but there are bright points in my future, as I am sure there are in yours. My best advice apart from that given above is to keep in contact with people, friends, family, even strangers when the opportunities come along. If you are alone a lot think of joining a community group like bowling, tennis, an Op shop, dance group or choir; but somewhere where you will get to talk and laugh with other participants – rather than a big club where you are just a face in a crowd.

I wish you the very best for the future.

Stefan

[VM-Apples23]

Hi @foxie

Just reaching out to ask, how you have been doing these past few months? I hope you are coping okay in this new phase of life. Grief is a bittersweet journey.

If your feelings of loneliness still linger, that is okay. Please take your time navigating through your loss, and know that we are here for you. I wish all the best to you, take care.

[jennifer]

I lost my husband suddenly late last year. i was with him 30 years and Im struggling with guilt.

[VM-RedCat24]

Hi @jennifer,

I’m so glad that you’ve found your way onto the Griefline forums and thank you for sharing. Guilt is a common feeling after we lose a loved one and often one that is hard to say out loud. I’m wondering if you would like to explore this feeling of guilt a little? If you would like to, we are here to listen. If you would prefer to talk to somebody, the lovely Griefline volunteers are available 8am – 8pm on the helpline: 1300 845 745.

When you are ready, I have popped a link below about coping with grief that I thought may be of interest to you:

Coping with Grief

Everybody grieves differently and there is no right or wrong way, but keeping in contact with family and friends is important during this time. Take care of yourself Jennifer, give yourself the time and space to grieve. We are here when you are ready.

[jennifer]

Thank you…I am stuck with blame as my husband left a suicide note. I am a Christian and I know that I am forgiven for
not doin..g more but hard to forgive myself

[kezz]

Hi @jennifer,

My sincere condolences for your grief and much respect for your extremely personal post.
I cannot imagine what your husband said in his suicide note (and don’t need to know, only if you wanted to ever share it).

An ex-partner of mine many years ago left our home with the intent. His ex-wife thankfully was an ally and when I called her to say what he had said as he left, especially difficult for me as they had teenage children together who had become a firm place in my life, she told me “If he does then that’s his choice.” He had threatened this a few times when they were together but she was devastated that he might do it at the same time. She still really cared for him. So we waited and he came back, I let her know.

So glad you said that you KNOW you are forgiven…

As a Christian too, and having lost a number of friends to suicide, very different to a husband I appreciate, however still some familiar thoughts of what if I’d done something differently, or taken it more seriously, let someone closer to them know what I knew…

I absolutely know for myself I am forgiven.

I also have learned through the grieving of my friends’ deaths, and watching their family’s worlds and their children’s worlds turn on a dime, and I apologise if I’m overstepping the boundary here, they did make their own choice.

As sad, tragic, traumatic, and every other emotion, for myself I know even if I had been able to do for them, whatever was needed, none of them would have changed their choice…even if eventually.

Not sure I’ve helped you at all but am truly thinking of you in pain, loss, and I believe unwarranted guilt despite what your husband said in his note.

Virtual hugs
Kezz

[Author]

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