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Loss of my husband

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Home Forums Loss of a loved one Loss of my husband

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  • #27322

    How do I cope each morning

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  • #27332

    I feel like I’m losing my mind, it’s been nearly 4 months, a very busy 4 months with little time to grieve. That time has sapped my confidence, I struggle to mix with people. I regularly get asked to groups which frightens me. As time has gone on people who have supported me have lost interest. They don’t understand how bloody hard it is, especially after being a career for a couple of years. I am lonely and lost


    Dear Gillandopie
    I am sorry to hear about the loss of your husband. I hear so many themes in your words: the feelings of overwhelming grief and fear of being among people. The sense of isolation as people leave you alone to grieve instead of being by your side. All these are natural thoughts and feelings that occur in grief. Please give yourself time and space to grieve in the way that works for you. Remember Griefline is always here to support you in your journey. So use this forum to voice whatever you are feeling and experiencing.
    You may find this article useful in supporting you as you navigate your encounter with grief
    Please keep us posted on how you are feeling and what is helping you.
    We are hear for you.


    Hi, I also lost my husband 4 months ago and understand totally. I am still feeling like its all unbelievable and raw. I too feel like people have lost interest to some extent. It feels like its been so much longer than 4 months too and then sometimes feels like it all happened yesterday. With me I feel like I never had any time to process what was happening, from his diagnosis in March to his death in July, I’m really struggle with this. I have 2 beautiful daughter who have been amazing but I feel like I cant really share my true feelings with them as they are grieving themselves. I feel I need to be strong for them so I am hoping that putting all this into words will be therapeutic. I can completely sympathise and understand the loneliness and I’m finding weekends and evenings especially hard. I have been told that the adrenalin that keeps you going in the beginning starts to wear off anywhere from 3 to 4 months after a loss and wonder if this could be why things are only now starting to feel real.
    I will also check out the above link for coping with grief, thank you.


    Hi @gilliandopie, I am so sorry to hear what you’ve been through. I can’t imagine how difficult it must have been to lose your partner so quickly and with very little time to grieve. How have things been for you in the last couple of days? As @VM_Loki23 mentioned, it is more than normal to feel lonely, overwhelmed, lost and like you are not ready to jump back into social settings, especially when it feels like no one else “gets it”. We at Griefline are here to listen and be with you. Feel free to call the helpline and continue engaging with the forums.

    Dear @laurene, I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your husband. I cannot begin to fathom how difficult it must be to come to terms with his passing just a few months after his diagnosis. Losing a loved one in such a way, and especially your partner, is just so unbearable, shocking and unfair. I, too, lost a loved one very quickly after their diagnosis, and I truly empathise with your feelings of being overwhelmed and as though there just was not time to grieve or even fully process what was happening. It sounds to me like you are doing the best you can to cope right now, and I’m sure it’s challenging to navigate grief while also trying to appear strong for others, including your girls. But please remember, it’s perfectly okay to seek shoulders to lean on and give yourself a place to put down all of those heavy emotions that come with the loss – this could be through writing on these forums or even speaking to somebody by calling the helpline (1300 845 745). Please be kind to yourself and take care- we are here with you and for you.

    • This reply was modified 7 months, 3 weeks ago by VM-monty.

    I have not allowed myself to grieve I have blocked out the reality by keeping very busy, now there is so much time I can’t get away from it. I miss hugs and chats, It’s easy to keep busy fill up the time with tasks that are overwhelming and drain my energy, everything is urgent but me. I can’t face myself.


    Dear @gillandopie, I hear the deep longing you have to hold your husband and to hear his voice. I also hear the natural coping mechanism of avoiding the pain of grief and busying oneself with tasks. This is your body’s natural way of adapting to the loss. While many theoretical frameworks describe coping with grief, my favourite is the Dual Process Model of coping by Stroebe and Schut (1999). According to this model, one oscillates between experiencing Loss (grief feelings and thoughts) and Restoration (finding a way to continue living without the deceased). One can not be in both stages at once.
    It sounds like initially, you were in the restorative phase as an adaptive coping because it was too much to feel. Now that some time has passed you are naturally moving towards feeling the loss stage. It is OK not to be OK!
    One way you may want to support yourself as you allow yourself to grieve is through the process of mindfulness. The article on mindfulness and grief that I link to has information that will be of support to you during this time.
    In addition, please remember that and we at Griefline including @Laurene are witnessing your journey and you are not alone. We are here for you. Please reach out either on this forum or by phone on the helpline 1300 845 745.
    Walk in Kindness.

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