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I’m trying to deal with the overwhelming grief and loss of my beautiful wife Susie who passed away 3 weeks ago. Susie had suffered ill health for most of her 55 years as she had contracted Lupus at an early age. She lived through two kidney transplants and was on the waiting list for a third, long periods of dialysis while waiting for a donor kidney, suffered a stroke which left her with Aphasia, a ruptured bowel that required a temporary stoma and many other ailments. In spite of all this, she was the toughest person I have ever known and always seemed to deal with adversity and come back stronger. Unfortunately, the last few weeks over life she was hit with septicaemia and her body could not take the punishment anymore.
I have been inspired by some of the stories I have read here about people who have suffered loss of a loved one and am comforted in knowing I am not alone. I’m devastated at losing my soulmate in life. We were so perfectly matched for each other, in spite of our differing personalities. We met late in life and did not have children (unless you count our fur baby, our cat Frankie) and this brought us closer as we had more time to devote to each other. Susie had a personality that would light up the room, she was a genuine listener and showed interest in everyone she met. She was cheeky and mischievous but loving. Everyone she met could not help but love her. We continually held hands and told each other how much we loved them each and every day. We had often talked if one of us passed before the other, what would we want for them. Susie always said she would want me to be happy and if that meant finding happiness with another, then that’s what she would want. I would scoff and tell her that she was a pretty hard act to follow.
I’m struggling to cope with her loss. The house feels empty without her presence. I have been drifting along these last few weeks since her passing but I have just returned back to work. I’ve got the symptoms that everyone here has mentioned – lack of appetite, no motivation, inability to sleep. I do have lots of support from friends and family but I am missing the small things – her bringing me coffees while I was working at home, our Sunday drives and picnics, cooking together, and the feeling of waking up to her smiling face each morning.
They say time heals all wounds but this feels like a dagger to the heart. For the first time in a long time, I have no sense of direction in what to do next.
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