Loss of my beautiful wife

[starman]

I’m trying to deal with the overwhelming grief and loss of my beautiful wife Susie who passed away 3 weeks ago. Susie had suffered ill health for most of her 55 years as she had contracted Lupus at an early age. She lived through two kidney transplants and was on the waiting list for a third, long periods of dialysis while waiting for a donor kidney, suffered a stroke which left her with Aphasia, a ruptured bowel that required a temporary stoma and many other ailments. In spite of all this, she was the toughest person I have ever known and always seemed to deal with adversity and come back stronger. Unfortunately, the last few weeks over life she was hit with septicaemia and her body could not take the punishment anymore.

I have been inspired by some of the stories I have read here about people who have suffered loss of a loved one and am comforted in knowing I am not alone. I’m devastated at losing my soulmate in life. We were so perfectly matched for each other, in spite of our differing personalities. We met late in life and did not have children (unless you count our fur baby, our cat Frankie) and this brought us closer as we had more time to devote to each other. Susie had a personality that would light up the room, she was a genuine listener and showed interest in everyone she met. She was cheeky and mischievous but loving. Everyone she met could not help but love her. We continually held hands and told each other how much we loved them each and every day. We had often talked if one of us passed before the other, what would we want for them. Susie always said she would want me to be happy and if that meant finding happiness with another, then that’s what she would want. I would scoff and tell her that she was a pretty hard act to follow.

I’m struggling to cope with her loss. The house feels empty without her presence. I have been drifting along these last few weeks since her passing but I have just returned back to work. I’ve got the symptoms that everyone here has mentioned – lack of appetite, no motivation, inability to sleep. I do have lots of support from friends and family but I am missing the small things – her bringing me coffees while I was working at home, our Sunday drives and picnics, cooking together, and the feeling of waking up to her smiling face each morning.

They say time heals all wounds but this feels like a dagger to the heart. For the first time in a long time, I have no sense of direction in what to do next.

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[Moon]

Hi Starman, so sorry you have lost your sweet Susie, she most certainly is an impossible ‘act to follow’ with her incredible resilience and kind heart.
I’m glad you found the courage to write and find some comfort in the words of other broken-hearted people on the forum.
The way you describe your wife is exactly how everyone spoke about my son, I can picture them together somehow, wherever they are now…
I can relate to the transplant process, as my son passed away 7mths tomorrow from a lung transplant rejection.
I’m glad you have support from others and returning to work provides distraction, but take it slow when and if you need to – those symptoms we all seem to endure can last a long time, or can knock you down again when you least expect it.
Losing our direction and purpose in life is another casualty, everything has forever changed, impossible to envisage right now, so I just try to get through each day.
The emptiness and silence at home is one of the hardest to bare, I keep the radio on all day, and wear his dressing gown, whatever gets you through hey xx

[VM- cookie]

Dear Starman,
I’m sorry for your loss. It is normal to feel overwhelmed and lost after losing your partner, especially since both of you had such a strong bond. It sounds like Susie was an amazing woman.

You mentioned that you’ve been having some difficulty eating and sleeping. When we are grieving the loss of someone dear to us, self-care can get pretty difficult. However, it can be helpful to establish a routine that will enable you to cope during this time. https://griefline.org.au/resources/east-toolkit/ is a good place to start, as it discusses four aspects of self-care (Eating, Activities, Sleeping and Time) that might be helpful to you.

You also mentioned that you are “missing the small things”, such as Susie bringing you coffee, and the time you spent together. https://griefline.org.au/resources/understanding-the-symptoms-of-grief/#Continue_the_Bond_with_your_loved_one_while_coming_to_accept_that_they_have_gone describes ways in which you can continue the bond with Susie when you are ready to do so.

I am glad that you have support from family and friends, but I also want to acknowledge your strength in reaching out to us on the forums. Feel free to share more about Susie, or how you’re feeling- we are here to listen to you and support you. If you would like to talk to someone, you can reach out to Griefline at 1300 845 745 between 6am and 12am AEDT.

Take care.

[vmiris]

Hello Starman,

I am very sorry for your loss of your beautiful wife Susie. Thank you for sharing her story and your journey now. You write so beautifully about her place in your heart and it sounds so very precious to have found your soul mate, for both of you, and so hard now. I wish you strength and courage in these weeks and times ahead and that your memories of your times together can bring you comfort and be with you during the times of great difficulty. It is indeed good that you have loving friends and family around you and that you can reach out to them, as well as any resources and the community here. One day at a time, ha?

Take care!

[missingher]

Hi Starman

So sorry for your loss.Can feel the pain,I lost my wife a month ago..
Like you said it’s the small things that I am missing…everything feels empty and I do feel lost and without any purpose.It is so so hard…

[starman]

Thank you all for the kind words and support. My heart is broken at the loss of my beautiful wife and soulmate Susie. As we go through this journey of life, some us are lucky to find that one special person who complements us and makes us full of love for that person that we would put them ahead of ourselves. I won the lottery with Susie. Every day was an adventure with her. Our personalities were complete opposites – hers outgoing, happy and cheerful, mine more reserved. She was an amazing woman and I am eternally grateful that she was in my life. At least I have beautiful memories of her that I will treasure forever.

I have gotten comfort from both people here as well as people at work who have suffered a loss of their partner and realise I am not alone. It is a case of one day at a time for me.

[missingher]

I hear you starman,one day at a time.And yes,we were lucky for our partners to have been with us.Whatevwr gets us through the day…without being self destructive.

[Moon]

My comfort is always music, have a song for every mood. So here’s one for all of you xx

[Author]

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