Losing my Mum

[karen22e]

My Mum passed away 5 months ago. At the final stage l was her carer so she could die at home. Mum was my biggest supporter and ‘got’ me. Since her passing l have turned to alcohol to numb the pain. I have just come to my friends property in Tassie to withdraw and reassess my life. It’s like pulling the bandaid off, now my grief is harder, sharper and heavy.
I want to avoid it but l can’t anymore , Mum would be so worried about me.

Topic

[VM-alithos11]

Hi Karen22e

I hear the deep, raw grief you’re carrying, the profound emptiness that has settled in since losing your mum.
What you’re experiencing isn’t just sadness—it’s like a giant earthquake rupturing your very emotional being,
and what’s more is that its intensified by the profoundly intimate journey of being her caregiver.

These past five months, it sounds like you’ve been navigating an ocean of pain that many cannot comprehend.
After pouring your heart and soul into caring for your mum, the sudden silence must feel deafening.

Unfortunately, Grief isn’t linear.
Some days might feel like you’re drowning,
and others might offer a split moment of peace.
There’s no “right” way to move through this and don’t let anyone try to convince you otherwise.

Your pain is real, constant and viscerally valid.
Your exhaustion is valid.
Your need to withdraw and process is valid.

Please know that you are not alone, even when it feels impossibly lonely.
Your love for your mum—the devotion you showed as her caregiver—is a testament to the beautiful relationship you shared.

Be gentle with yourself.
Rest when you need to rest.
Cry when you need to cry.
Remember that healing isn’t about “getting over” your loss,
but learning to carry it with grace and love.

Here at Griefline, we are there for you 7 days a week…Not to fix anything, but just to sit with you in this difficult space,
to witness your grief, and to remind you just how much you matter.

Thinking of you

[VM-MistOnTheLake]

Thank you for bravery in reaching out and sharing your loss, karen22e. It sounds like your mum was a very special person to you and that you shared a close bond and mutual understanding of each other as people. I would also like to acknowledge your great strength in acknowledging that you have turned to alcohol as coping mechanism. Taking some time for yourself and reassessing your life in Tasmania with your friend, will hopefully give you an opportunity to reassess and rebuild, as you say.

Feel free to post here again as there are many people in this community to share with. In the meantime, you may like to take a look at some of our resources on coping with loss:

https://griefline.org.au/resources/?asp_ls=&asp_active=1&asp_force_reset_pagination=1&p_asid=1&p_asp_data=1&termset%5Btopics%5D%5B%5D=10090&customset%5B%5D=resources&asp_gen%5B%5D=excerpt&asp_gen%5B%5D=content&asp_gen%5B%5D=title&filters_initial=0&filters_changed=1&qtranslate_lang=0&woo_currency=AUD&current_page_id=31519
You may also find the following resource useful:

https://www.counsellingonline.org.au/

[VM_chooky]

Hi There karen22e, sharing your story with others as you have done here is such a brave and incredible thing for you to do. I’m sorry to hear of the loss of your mother, this relationship is one of our life paths most important and it sounds like you shared an incredible bond with her and I know her appreciation for your care towards her will stay with her and also yourself forever.

Go through this time with as little judgment on yourself as you possibly can as grief is something that deeply rattles us and can shift our entire state of being. I believe it is a fantastic idea that you have taken a significant amount of time to reflect and collect yourself. I know that Tasmania is a beautiful place to get out into nature and spend some quality time.

Wishing you well in this tough time.

[Author]

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