Losing my anchor

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  • #21427
    missingher
    Participant

    My wife had a sudden medical emergency 2 months ago,went into the ICU and left us a month ago.She never woke up…I feel so lost and adrift.So many memories rush in and the grief becomes unbearable. Yesterday was bad,really bad.I miss her so much,at times I feel like am seeing her at places where we have a memory together,this is so hard!

Viewing 7 replies - 1 through 7 (of 7 total)
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  • #21523
    vmAudreyRose
    Participant

    Hello @missingher.

    I wanted to check in and see how you going? I can understand that sometimes the grief of losing someone so precious to you can feel unbearable, while other times you can feel that you are coping ok.
    I recently lost someone very close to me also, and like you, I didn’t want to lose the memories of her. I found making a memorial garden was a wonderful way to honor her. When I feel like I need to connect with her, I go out to my little garden of native plants with a cup of tea and tell her what I’m feeling. I wonder if that is something you’d like to think about doing for your wife?

    Here is a link with how to get started, you’ll just need to copy and paste the link in a browser.

    https://www.gardeningknowhow.com/special/spaces/plants-to-honor-loved-ones.htm

    Please remember we are always here to support you, reach out at anytime. x

    #21463
    missingher
    Participant

    Yes,I have started to write a journal.I don’t want to lose any memories of her,something I find that has happened with my father who I lost to Alzheimer’s.

    #21462
    missingher
    Participant

    Thank you,it is so hard…the feeling of doomsday.I will keep posting and reading and reaching out.It just feels so lonely at times,even though am surrounded by friends.

    #21454
    VM- cookie
    Participant

    Hi @missingher

    I’m sorry for your loss. It sounds like you are feeling sad and lost after the passing of your wife. It is normal to feel this way after the loss of a loved one, and I want to acknowledge your strength in reaching out on the forums.

    I’m wondering if it will be helpful to engage in rituals that will allow you to remember your wife, while accepting that she has passed away. https://griefline.org.au/resources/understanding-the-symptoms-of-grief/#Continue_the_Bond_with_your_loved_one_while_coming_to_accept_that_they_have_gone provides some suggestions that you might want to try when you are ready to do so.

    I also want to remind you that you are not alone. Other users here, such as @bereavedwife, @jamie62, @homer and @starman have shared similar stories, and reading their posts might be helpful.

    Keep on posting, we are here to listen. If you would like to talk to someone, feel free to contact the helpline at 1300 845 745 from 6am-12am AEDT.

    Take care.

    #21430
    VM- thanasis43
    Participant

    Hi @missingher Thank you for sharing your experience and feelings. Your loss sounds very sudden, which is its own kind of trauma.

    Feeling like you’re seeing your wife in places you once shared with her is very normal too. So much of this is to do with what our brain has learned is true over the past years, where you created memories together. Now it’s struggling to grasp this new reality as it can no longer map where she is. This produces the hurt and yearning, which we know as grief.

    Place is a key trigger of memories and maybe you could in fact use this as an opportunity and write some of these memories down?

    Have you visited the Griefline website and had a look at the resources for coping with grief and loss? You may find some of the below links useful in helping you manage the feelings of loss you are experiencing:

    Coping with Loss

    Grief Recovery Part 1: In Search of Lost Strengths

    Maybe you would also be interested in joining a Griefline support group (https://griefline.org.au/get-help/support-groups/)? Or chatting to one of the Griefline counsellors on 1300 845 745?

    We are here, and listening, keep talking x

    #21435
    missingher
    Participant

    Thank you…
    Over the last month has been a mix of administrative stuff that comes with these things,some work as a distraction,and trying to be social at times.The pining and yearning for her is just so intense at times.I wish at times that it was a terminal diagnosis of some sort and we had more time to say things left unsaid.She was truly amazing,and my reaching out for support is a testament to the work she did with me. She herself worked in the not for profit sector.So trying to go one day at a time,with some days being terrible.

    #21432
    vmpepper
    Participant

    Hi @missingher, Thank you so much for being vulnerable and expressing how you feel. I am so sorry this happened and that you are feeling lost and adrift, she sounded like an amazing woman. The death of a loved one can be extremely traumatic, especially as this was so sudden and unexpected for you. Your ability to find the online forums at Griefline and be open and honest in reaching out shows that you have immense strength within you and perseverance to get through this.

    It is completely normal to re-live memories of someone who has recently passed away, especially if it is someone that you loved so dearly. You are definitely not alone, Griefline will always be here for you and our online forums are an excellent way to speak to others who are experiencing similar emotions.

    Although I have never experienced the death of a partner, I have grieved the loss of other loved ones in my life and can understand the immense pain you are feeling right now. When we are grieving we hope to keep their memory alive, which is why you may still be seeing her at places you have a memory together, and this is a totally normal part of grieving.

    Griefline has many online recourses, especially related to the loss of a loved one. This link may be helpful: https://griefline.org.au/resources/grief-recovery-part-1-in-search-of-lost-strengths/

    I’m just wondering what has been happening since your loved one’s death over the past month?

    Please don’t hesitate to keep responding, we are always here x

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