Loosing my dad so young

[kmcdonald3]

Hello, in May this year my father passed away from a heart attack. He was 60 and living in Thailand with his wife and two young children. Like many due to COVID I had not seen dad for a few years, and in the time I have gotten married and had a baby.
I was one of the few who from the family who spoke with dad on a regular basis, the nature of his current marriage had strained many of the relationships he had with the family.
I am feeling lost on how to move forward, there are so many different feelings and emotions.
I am angry that he has left his affairs and family in such a state.
I am so deeply sad that I will never be able to speak to him again or that he will never meet his first grandchild
I grieve for my two younger half siblings who will grow up without a father
I regret that life had gotten so busy recently we had missed our call that week

His funeral was in Thailand, and I am now having memories of some of the ceremonies during the week of the funeral that at the time we’re not distressing but are distressing for me now. This is not something I expected to go through in my 20’s

I don’t know how to move forward and given the difficult relationship he had with the family it is not something we speak about. I feel others have moved on but I am still struggling physically and mentally.

Topic

[vmpurple]

Hi @kmcdonald3,

Thanks for coming here and sharing your feelings with us; you have reached out, which is a great way to start feeling like yourself again.

It’s important for you to be kind to yourself during this process. As Cookie mentioned, there is no timeframe that is a one-size-fits-all. You’re allowed to take as much time as you need to get through the various feelings and emotions this has all brought up. Please give yourself time and space to come to terms with everything.

it has been a couple of days since your post, how are you feeling over the last few days?

[VM- cookie]

Hello @kmcdonald3
Sorry for your loss. It is definitely difficult to lose a parent. You said that you’re feeling some anger towards him, sad over his passing, regret over missing last week’s call and lost on how to move forward. These feelings are normal.

When we’re processing the loss of someone, it is important we take care of ourselves. https://griefline.org.au/resources/east-toolkit/ highlights ways in which we can do this- such as getting enough sleep, to spending time doing activities we enjoy. https://griefline.org.au/resources/mindfulness-for-grief/ also provides suggestions on how you can cope with grief, such as engaging in mindfulness and journaling. Writing down how you’re feeling can be useful in processing the feelings that have arisen as a result of your father’s passing.

You also mentioned that you’re still struggling physically and mentally while others have moved on. I just want to say that there’s no set timetable for coping with loss. Take your time to process your emotions, and allow yourself to feel them.

In your post, you said that you’re experiencing distressing memories of the funeral ceremonies- I’m wondering if this is something you would like to explore further with a psychologist or counsellor? They might be able to help you process these memories.

Finally, I just want to acknowledge your strength in reaching out on the forums. Keep on sharing your story- we’re here to listen. Also, feel free to call the helpline at 1300 845 745 if you would like to talk.

Take care.

[Author]

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