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Home » Topics » Loss of a pet » I had to say goodbye to my Reason for Being
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  • #16313
    Morgana1963
    Participant

    Four weeks ago, I help my 18 year old boy for the last time as he slipped peacefully over the Rainbow bridge. Thorin my boy had been with me from the day he was born, with me delivering him along with his siblings. All his siblings went to good homes but my precious Thorie loved me the most and could not leave me. That tiny puppy 18 years ago gave me a reason to live when my days were at there darkest, and for the next 18 years his passion and love of life gave me a reason to be. He loved me without question, and i know he stayed with me for as long as he possibly could. I could not not make him suffer so four weeks ago I made the hardest choice of my life and had the vet help Thorin pass over. Some days i think im getting better, but other days im just so broken and i dont know if i will ever be right again. Then I get mad at myself because Thorin didnt give me all his life for me to fall apart the minute he left me. The world is empty and I hurt and no im not coping at all

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  • #16316
    onlinecommunity
    Keymaster

    Dear @morgana1963, welcome to the forums. Our hearts are with you on the passing of your beloved Thorin. You paint a beautiful picture of the incredible bond you had with each other. 18 years is such a long time and it sounds like he helped you through all of life’s ups and downs over the years.

    What you are experiencing sounds like grief that is equal to the grief people feel after losing a loved person (there are lots of studies showing this). It can be helpful and validating to know that these feelings of devastation and profound loss are natural and right considering the immense bond you had with your Thorie.

    Having to make the decision to let him go was courageous and selfless and yet so incredibly difficult. David Kessler, grief expert says the day we decide to love an animal is the day we accept that one day we’ll have to face losing them. They just don’t live long enough do they?

    That same courage shines through in those moments when you chide yourself for falling apart (because Thorin didn’t love you all those years for you to let that happen). When you think of him protecting you in this way you are continuing the bond you have with him. It’s a bond nothing can ever break. And you can keep it strong by remembering him fondly, cherishing keepsakes like his collar or photo or bowl etc., saying his name and telling stories about him.

    You mentioned you experience days when you feel like you’re getting better. Perhaps you could try reflecting on what makes those days easier? As you do more of the things that make life bearable you’ll start to string good days together and life won’t feel quite so hard to cope with.

    And having an understanding of what’s happening for you is also helpful. So you might like to take a look at our article on Losing a Pet here on the Resource Hub.

    @morgana1963
    , we hope you’ll keep posting and checking in. We’d love to hear some of your favourite stories about Thorin. We’re here for you. 🌸

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