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I had to say goodbye to my Reason for Being

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Home Forums Loss of a pet I had to say goodbye to my Reason for Being

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    Four weeks ago, I help my 18 year old boy for the last time as he slipped peacefully over the Rainbow bridge. Thorin my boy had been with me from the day he was born, with me delivering him along with his siblings. All his siblings went to good homes but my precious Thorie loved me the most and could not leave me. That tiny puppy 18 years ago gave me a reason to live when my days were at there darkest, and for the next 18 years his passion and love of life gave me a reason to be. He loved me without question, and i know he stayed with me for as long as he possibly could. I could not not make him suffer so four weeks ago I made the hardest choice of my life and had the vet help Thorin pass over. Some days i think im getting better, but other days im just so broken and i dont know if i will ever be right again. Then I get mad at myself because Thorin didnt give me all his life for me to fall apart the minute he left me. The world is empty and I hurt and no im not coping at all

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  • #16316

    Dear @morgana1963, welcome to the forums. Our hearts are with you on the passing of your beloved Thorin. You paint a beautiful picture of the incredible bond you had with each other. 18 years is such a long time and it sounds like he helped you through all of life’s ups and downs over the years.

    What you are experiencing sounds like grief that is equal to the grief people feel after losing a loved person (there are lots of studies showing this). It can be helpful and validating to know that these feelings of devastation and profound loss are natural and right considering the immense bond you had with your Thorie.

    Having to make the decision to let him go was courageous and selfless and yet so incredibly difficult. David Kessler, grief expert says the day we decide to love an animal is the day we accept that one day we’ll have to face losing them. They just don’t live long enough do they?

    That same courage shines through in those moments when you chide yourself for falling apart (because Thorin didn’t love you all those years for you to let that happen). When you think of him protecting you in this way you are continuing the bond you have with him. It’s a bond nothing can ever break. And you can keep it strong by remembering him fondly, cherishing keepsakes like his collar or photo or bowl etc., saying his name and telling stories about him.

    You mentioned you experience days when you feel like you’re getting better. Perhaps you could try reflecting on what makes those days easier? As you do more of the things that make life bearable you’ll start to string good days together and life won’t feel quite so hard to cope with.

    And having an understanding of what’s happening for you is also helpful. So you might like to take a look at our article on Losing a Pet here on the Resource Hub.

    , we hope you’ll keep posting and checking in. We’d love to hear some of your favourite stories about Thorin. We’re here for you. 🌸


    Dear @morgana1963, I have just joined this forum. I am deeply saddened by your story and the loss of your beloved Thorin and my heart goes out to you. Everything you have said resonates with me. I feel your pain. My miniature dachshund, Swizzel, who I had since 3 months old was my raison detré. I don’t particularly like life, as I have mental health issues and I empathise with the troubles of this world. But Swizzel made everything just that much easier to cope with. Now that she is gone I feel hopeless. I feel empty and hollow and everything I used to have an interest in seems trivial and not the same anymore now that she is not with me. It’s been almost 6 weeks since Swizzel had to leave me, and like you, I had to make that heart wrenching decision on her behalf. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life. I can’t stop grieving and it feels like nothing will ever be the same again. I am thankful for the 16 and a half years off happiness she brought to me. And logically we all know that our companion animals will leave us at some point. But emotionally it’s very hard to accept when that time comes. It’s the emptiness that is left behind which I find so hard to cope with. Please know that you are not alone in your feelings, and that your grief and feelings of loss are valid.a


    Thank you for the kind words. I am so sorry you are also going through this deverstating loss and pain Lonerboy. It is truly awful and not something i would wish on anyone. I still have very dark sad days, where the pain of Thorin’s passing is as raw and acute as if he left me yesterday, thankfully though those really bad days are lessening and i manage to remember him now with much love and even smiles rather than the endless tears. What helped me more than anything, was learning that the grief we feel is real and we are allowed to feel it. Of course our pain and loss is very much individual and most people will never understand the impact of our loss, but that is where this online community is so wonderful and important in helping us understand we are not alone in what we are feeling. I still talk to Thorie every day, and most nights i will shed a few tears for my little man, but that is part of my healing process, i encourage you to do the same talk to Swizzel as often as you need, she remains safely tucked in your heart and she lives on in all your wonderful memories of her. You like me Lonerboy have been blessed, while this world is often cruel and lonely we were given the greatest gifts of love from our fur children, they are more than just dogs to us the bonds we have with them dont end just because they are no longer here, those bonds do carry on and even now on those really bad days let Swizzel continue to be your reason to carry on. Take care and i do feel for you as you are learning to face days without your precious Swizzel close at hand, i believe it is always going to hurt but we adapt to the loss and we can continue to make both Swizzel and Thorin proud in how we take the love they gave us and continue on in a world we dont always want to face. xxx

    • This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by kim.
    • This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by kim.
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