I can’t cope with finding my dad passed away

[shayleigh]

I wasn’t real close with my father most of my life up until we reconnected 2 years ago we had such good times mainly just in each others company having some drinks together.. fast forward a year and I fell pregnant I was very very sick so I stopped going around to see him we lived 2.5 hours apart.. he has no phone or any type of social media as his very old fashioned. So I had no way to keep in contact, after I had my son I went around to see him and unfortunately found him.. not by look by smell. I didn’t go in, my friend did and confirmed my worse fear. I regret not going in and kissing him goodbye, I think about it everyday it burns mY heart, my soul… he died all alone and laid there for 6-8 weeks before anyone found him. I’m devastated and will hold his guilt for the rest of my life.

Topic

[VMSal]

Dear Shayleigh,

I’m so terribly sorry for the loss of your father, and the manner in which you found him. It is a traumatic thing to undergo, and it can take a while to process and recover from the worst of the shock.

But as you said to another help seeker, you will start to cope better as time passes. Wounds like these may never fully heal, and the pain of loss and regret may never go away fully, but over time you do learn to develop that inner strength and resilience; it’s just getting through each day as it comes.

Meanwhile, you may benefit from being able to explore your grief further by speaking with someone at Griefline, either through the Helpline or by making a booking here

Free telephone support

You may also find it helpful to browse through the Griefline website’s Resources section where there are articles on what to expect with grief, grieving mindfully and self-care, among others.

We are here as a community holding space for you and your grief. Please do let us know how you are getting along. Sending you love and strength for your journey.

[VM-Kay]

Dear Shayleigh,

I am so sorry for your loss of your dad. My heart goes out to you as you had just made that connection with him again. Things have been really tough for you with your difficult pregnancy, and then finding your dad in those circumstances would have been very traumatic. In a perfect world, it is something no one should ever have to face.

I can only begin to imagine how hard it has been and you’re probably feeling many conflicting, confusing and uncomfortable feelings and emotions. Please know that this is totally normal. We are here for you if you want to speak to someone. It can help to talk and to know that you are not alone.

Please consider what VMSal has suggested and make use of the resources available, particularly the self-care. I admire your strength of character by reaching out to support others on this forum and we are here to support you at any time. Take care

[vmpercy]

Hi @Shayleigh,

I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your father and the circumstances surrounding it. It’s completely natural to feel a mix of emotions, including guilt and regret, but it’s essential to remember that healing takes time and that your feelings are valid.

Reconnecting with your father and the good times you shared are precious memories to hold onto. As you continue to process your grief, it might be helpful to focus on those moments and the love you shared during that time.

One self-care strategy that could be beneficial is journaling. Writing down your thoughts and emotions can help you process your feelings and provide an outlet for your grief. It can also help you gain perspective and recognise the positive aspects of your relationship with your father.

Please don’t hesitate to lean on this community for support. We’re here for you, and together, we can help you find the strength to move forward. Remember, you’re not alone, and it’s essential to give yourself grace and time as you navigate this challenging journey.

[jo200]

Hello,
I’m sorry to hear about your Dad passing away and that you feel some guilt over what happened to him.
Life can be very cruel and it’s normal that we try to make sense of things that just really don’t make sense and that are unfair.
For what it’s worth, my Dad passed away recently and I was there when it happened and it was horrible. Sometimes being there does not make things any easier, as unfortunately death is a journey we all take alone. Even though I was there when my Dad died, there was nothing at all I could do. I understand what you say about feeling guilty and wishing you could do things differently. My situation involved horrible domestic abuse by someone who abused my Dad, and even though I called the police and social services, no one helped my poor Dad, and I keep blaming myself for not helping him more – even though I did everything I possibly could, I still feel terrible guilt for what happened to him. There has been no justice and it has been very traumatising. So please know that you are not alone in wishing things had worked out differently and wishing there had been a different ending. I also know of many stories of people who had covid who died and were not allowed to be with family or friends. It all seems so unfair and wrong.
You don’t mention if you know the cause of your Dad’s death – maybe he passed away peacefully in his sleep? You say he was alone for 6 weeks after death – but please know that he wasn’t alone – his mortal body may have remained on earth for a while after death – but his soul was not alone, and he returned home to God (or the universe) or whatever you believe in. I don’t want to force my beliefs onto you, but I do believe that once we leave our human form – we are not lonely, and our spirit goes to another realm.

I hope this helps a bit. It’s hard to know what to write as I know what people say to me (and to be honest it just doesn’t help much or give me comfort), so I just wanted to share my experience with you. I sometimes talk to my Dad’s spirit at night to say I wish I could have helped him more, and I hope his spirit hears me and he forgives me. I also wish for justice for those who hurt him, but I need to accept that is unlikely to happen. There is so much about the universe that we just don’t know or how or why things turn out the way they do.
I wish you peace.

[Author]

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