Husband killed in an accident

[bill]

Hi, I lost my husband & a young 16 year old co worker who was my daughters nephew in an accident on the 15 June 2022 he was 64 & would have been 65 in August we had plans to retire at the end of this year & do some travelling. We have been together for 45 years. We worked together side by side for 28 years. I’m not coping to well. The grief just hits me like a ton of bricks. I’m now wishing it was me in the car with my husband.

Topic

[VM – OnAJourney]

Dear @bill
I am so sorry to hear about your loss – thank you for sharing. You have been with your husband for such a long time, and it must be very challenging not having him around. I can imagine you feel immense grief and overwhelm -sounds like at times it is getting to a point where you wish you didn’t have to live anymore either. While this is not an uncommon thought after losing someone so close, I am concerned about your wellbeing. Please know that there is support available to help you through this. Griefline’s phone support is available Monday to Friday from 8am to 8pm (AEST), and you can also book a call for the weekend. Lifeline (phone 13 11 14) is available 24/7 if you need to talk to someone urgently. You do no need to go through this alone.
It takes courage to reach out and share, and I thank you for showing that courage. I have lost my partner earlier this year, and I know how important it is to have support on that journey of grief.
Take care – thinking of you.

[bill]

Thank you VM-OnAJourney for your kind words

[VM-Mancha1]

Hello @bill,

I am so sorry for your loss, I can hear the pain in your words, that sounds like such a traumatic event that it is completely understandable you feel this way. This happened just a few short months ago, practically yesterday in terms of time, and given how this has impacted your life and your plans for retirement, your family, everything around you, I can only imagine the whirlwind you are living within.

Firstly, I just wanted to reach out and let you know you’re not alone. None of us are in your shoes, but we’ve all felt a little of that whirlwind in our own lives and can at least empathise with some of the feelings you’re bearing. Griefline is here to help in this time, so that when that ton of bricks falls, you have someone to help lift you up and hold your hand. Please, keep coming back here and sharing with us, so many here in the forums have been or are where you feel you are today – it helps to know you’re not alone in the darkness, at least a little.

Grief is many things, but simple and quick are not two of them. And living with grief is a long and winding road at times. There are no magic shortcuts, but there are absolutely some signposts along the way that make the journey a little easier. I’m going to suggest a couple of those here, in case this helps.

1. It helps to start understanding the way forward and what you can do to help yourself. There are some great resources on the Griefline site, such as Coping with grief (https://griefline.org.au/resources/understanding-the-symptoms-of-grief/) and Grief recovery (https://griefline.org.au/resources/grief-recovery-part-1-in-search-of-lost-strengths/) – that’s part 1, there is a part 2 that also helps more.

2. It’s also really important to make use of the supports available to you. The Griefline helpline is available Monday to Friday, and is free. The forums are here 24/7, with great supports from many who’ve shared those roads with you. Of course there are also grief supports available in many places, and grief counselling can also help. Please, don’t go through this on your own – make use of those who are ready and willing to share this with you.

I know I’ve said a lot, so I’ll stop at this point – but please do come back and let us know how you are going. I hope you find something useful out of this, and we can talk more soon.

[VM-Sunflower22]

Hello @bill,

I am soo sorry to hear about the tragedy that has happened to you and your family. I would firstly like to say that what you are feeling is a normal part of the grief process and to feel as though you wish it was you in the car with your husband may feel completely overwhelming, but it is understandable. You spent most of your life with your husband by the sounds of it, and to have worked very closely together, this loss is absolutely profound and I hear that. As you mentioned, you had plans to retire and travel together at the end of this year. Do you have support around you? I really hope you have support from other loved ones at this extremely difficult time. What happened to you matters and I see the devastation of your loss. You are not alone. We are here for you! You are incredibly strong to come here to express what you have been through. You are stronger than you know and you will get through this.

If you feel like you are not coping at all and feel that you are overwhelmed, please call Lifeline to speak to a crisis supporter on 13 11 14. Griefline is now operating 8am-8pm AEST Monday-Friday. You can also schedule a booked call from an experienced Griefline counsellors outside of these hours or during the week. To book this service please click here https://griefline.org.au/get-help/ and click on the top right area “Book a Call”. Please take the time to familiarise yourself with our diverse range of content on the Griefline website Ressource Hub. Resources include highly informative articles, fact sheets. step by step guides to coping strategies, an e-book, explainer videos, and self-care tools. The Resource Hub can be accessed here; https://griefline.org.au/resources/

Please check in with us and let us know how you are coping. Sending you the biggest virtual healing hug. Stay kind to yourself!

[Author]

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