- This topic has 9 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 1 month, 3 weeks ago by .
I want to write how I feel because I need the clarity for myself. Right now, hope seems too far away.
The relationship was tense. From the start, it was always tense, however, I thought that it would be right to see the tension as a challenge for me to step up as a man.
A challenge to step up and to be courageous – to take the lead, to show initiative, to wear my heart on my sleeve.
Things appeared to be going right, until they weren’t. With time, reality revealed more and more of the truth.
We were wasting our time, neither wanting to be the one to call things off. Neither having the courage to face the truth in its entirety.
Each one repressing the truth that we were very different to each other, and that we didn’t like each other as much as we thought.
But each wishing that some miracle would happen. That by some twist of fate, or a snap of a finger, or by practically giving it another date, another conversation, another thought, that somehow one of us would change. That somehow, we would be compatible and that our values would align, our priorities match, our hearts healed and maybe entertain the possibility that the other person might be the last person we need to date. The one we’d been waiting and searching for all our lives.
If only that was the case, then life would be fulfilling. If only that was the case, and I would be a happy man today. If only that was the case, I would have all the strength I need to go through this difficult time. If only that were so, then maybe I wouldn’t feel like I’m hopeless, useless, worthless and that my existence has no meaning and serves no purpose.
But I’ll never know what that future would have unfolded like, because of the fact that it didn’t realize. Out of some tiwst of fate or act of a Higher Being, the way things unfolded did and there’s nothing more that I can do today to change that even a bit.And the life I live now is simply the load I have to bear for living in a cruel and broken and unfair world. Yes, cruel, and unfair.
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.