GoodBye Mum

[kittykatattacks]

My Names Chey, me and my brother and sister all in our 20s faced our biggest loss last year.

Our mum was a single parent who raised us all. Me being the oldest experienced so much with her it was always me and her against the world.

On 2nd August 2023 my brother called me saying mum had a coughing fit and the ambulance were working on her. He went to pick up his son who was spending time with mum. I rushed to the hospital we all had no answers my brother said she stopped breathing for a long time. He had to head home with his son and I said I’d keep them in the loop. After hours I was taken into a room with 6 doctors mum was unconscious hooked up to life support. They told me she went into cardiac arrest and stopped breathing for 45 minutes and she was going into ICU but to prepare myself.

I called my brother and sister and the next morning we all recieved the news she has 48hours and if no improvement she will end up in palliative care. I was in shock and frankly didn’t believe it. I had hope she’d wake and all will be okay.

Those days passed and she had gotten worse the scans came back she was basically brain dead on the 4th we took her off her support. 6am on the 5th I watched her take her last breath.

How I felt was undecribable she was talking to me the day before this all happened laughing and happy. We all sat by her playing her favourite songs saying our goodbyes. It felt unreal. The doctors told us her lungs were very bad which we knew she was a smoker of 30 years. They informed us she had a Lung disease not even mum knew about cause she wasn’t the best at looking after herself. She had eplipsey from the age of 5 and still didn’t keep up her doctors visits.

We were a range of confused , angry and heart broken. No one expected it she hadn’t made any plans. We were lucky with support and donations we were able to give her the send off she would of wanted. We cleaned her home out heart breaking every step of the way.

6 months have passed I remember it all like yesterday. I have nightmares and dreams of it all not being true. I already suffered from depression but this loss the lost of my mother has broken me. I miss work constantly I feel sick daily. And a mixture of numb and broken. I got married 3 months after she passed we had paid for it all so we couldn’t postpone. I sit here remembering my day but sadness overcomes me she wasn’t apart of it. And she never will be apart of our special days again.

Topic

[VM-The Old Oak Tree]

Hi Chey,

I’m sorry to hear of the loss that your brother, your sister and yourself have experienced. It sounds like you were very involved in the process from when she first became unwell, to when she passed away. I hope that maybe it provides you with some comfort to know that you were there doing all that you could, and that you were able to say goodbye to your mum in person. I want you to know that you are not alone and we are here for you. I’m glad that the three of you have each other, and that you have your partner with you as well as you grieve.

Please feel free to call our Helpline on 1300 845 745 between the hours of 8am – 8pm, 7 days a week, AEDT. We also have a range of resources relating to Grief and Loss which may be helpful. These can be found here https://griefline.org.au/resources. We have articles about Coping with Grief, Grief Recovery, Understanding Trauma, and related issues like loneliness and isolation, and mindfulness.

Losing someone really significant to you like this begins a grief process which will of course be ongoing for you. So sometimes its helpful to recognise that it is an ongoing process. I mean, your mother will always be in your heart and in your mind. So, as you grieve its important to try to not put too much pressure on yourself too quickly, or to feel like you have to ‘get over your grief’. Rather, your grief is an ongoing process and hopefully as you grieve and with time, your emotional patterns will return to what is more normal for you.

We are here for you. So please feel free to continue engage with our online forums, Access our resources, and contacting our Helpline if you wish too. I wish you all the best with everything you and your siblings are dealing with.

• This reply was modified 10 months, 2 weeks ago by VM-The Old Oak Tree.

[kittykatattacks]

Thank you for validating the things I am trying to do, I do put alot of pressure on myself and still working out exactly what emotions and feelings are during this time.

We had a strong bond and all the resources I’ve read do talk about the process and allowing yourself the time. I find this website a very helpful tool. The support is important through The grief and I realise talking and seeking extra supports help that feeling of no one understands you realise plenty relate to your story, and feel similar and going through there own loss.

Glad to have found a forum for grief.

[VM-rose]

Hello Chey, I am deeply sorry to hear about the passing of your beautiful mother. I can’t imagine how hard this is for you. I just want to acknowledge how brave it is of you to have shared your personal experience here on the Griefline forum. I also want to let you know that grief is a personal and unique experience for every individual and your feelings are completely natural. I’m glad to hear that your finding the Griefline website helpful. Are you engaging in any therapeutic practices like walking or writing? You’ve taken a courageous first step by reaching out to Griefline. We’re here to listen and support you.

[Author]

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