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Death of parents & siblings as a baby

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Home Forums Loss of a loved one Death of parents & siblings as a baby

  • This topic has 3 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 2 months ago by VM-Apples23.
  • Creator
    Topic
  • #30545
    morganhhf
    Participant

    When I was a baby my parents and two sisters were killed in a car accident. My brother and I survived.
    30 years on, I feel like I’m only just starting my grief journey. Opportunities to unpack and understand my grief throughout my earlier life was limited – partly due to the family I grew up in, but partly due to society’s response to “death chat”.

    I wondered if there is anyone else out there who might relate to my experience? I completely understand that it’s a unique type of grief – but I would love to know if there’s anyone who might understand what grief is like when you never really knew those that you’re grieving.

Viewing 3 replies - 1 through 3 (of 3 total)
  • Author
    Replies
  • #30630
    VM-RedCat24
    Participant

    Hi @morganhhf,

    Thank you for reaching out and sharing your story with us, I can’t imagine how difficult it must be to have had such a loss at such an early age. I want to acknowledge that although you mention not really knowing those you are grieving, it does not make the loss any less significant. It sounds like now is the right time for you to sit with your grief, and we are here for you on that journey. Some find sharing their grief story and connecting with others who may have similar experiences helpful, so I am really glad that you have posted on the forum.

    Unfortunately it is common that grief and the ‘death chat’ are not seen as an acceptable topic within society but it shows your curiosity, strength and the connection you have to your parents and siblings that, although you have grown up in a world telling you not to face the grief, you are stepping out of the box and doing so. I really commend you for that.

    You mentioned your bother and I am wondering if you and him are able to chat about your loved ones at all? Staying connected with family and friends is important during times of grief. If you haven’t already had a look on Griefline’s resources page there may be a few of interest to you, I have included the link below for one on coping with grief:

    Coping with Grief

    Grief can look different for everyone, there is no time frame or ‘correct way’ to grieve. Please be kind to yourself and keep reaching out. I am sure that your post will resonate with our other community members so thank you again.

    #30664
    VM-MindfullyMe
    Participant

    Hey @morganhhf
    Thank you for having the courage to reach out and share your experience and feelings. I never met my birth parents, and I don’t know if I have biological siblings. For me, I feel that the grief for those we haven’t met is normal, especially as life experiences start to unfold in adulthood. It took me until I was in my mid-30s to begin asking questions about my biological family and be open to receiving details I never knew existed before. For me, meeting my birth parents is not an option, but I feel more connected to them just by having the small details that have been shared. I wonder if you have any connections with those who were close to your parents and knew your sisters as well as you and your brother. What stories might they share with you to help you understand more about your early life and the lives of your parents? Like you, I wonder if anyone else on this forum has a similar experience..

    Griefline is such a safe, non-judgemental space to connect with others experiencing grief and loss, which are not linear journeys and can be so multifaceted. I hope being part of this community can be helpful for you on your journey.

    #30764
    VM-Apples23
    Participant

    Hi @morganhhf

    Thanks for sharing your story. Although I don’t relate to the specifics, I do relate to what it is like grieving someone who has not physically held space in my life. Similar to you, the truer feelings of experiencing the grief and exploring the value I assigned to that person came up later on. For me, there was a shock aspect to this in adulthood, despite having the tingling thought in the past that the topic would one day be weighty in my mind.
    In my coping, I decided to start small – from the beginning. I studied what it can be like for children experiencing grief, finding myself relating the most to the withdrawal aspect. I didn’t understand this as grief at the time, and so I found it empowering to reflect back on. After this, I tended to how a teenager may grieve, particularly relating to the longing sensation I felt for many years, without really understanding why. Again, this was empowering and I learnt a lot about myself.

    I wish great great strength and power to you in exploring your grief. It is 100% valid, and I would encourage you to not feel minimised by others who may ‘brush off’ what you’re experiencing. This is real. This is life as an emotional creature. Take all thew time you need. I like to think we are headed in the right direction in terms of ‘death talk’. Griefline is a great place to start.
    Take care,
    Apples.

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