Cumulative Grief

[jazminevlotman]

I would like to first thank this service for a forum like this in the community.
I’m 25 now navigating grief in all directions, I’ve experienced loss and grief and not always in regards to death.. sometimes you just lose things like friendships, relationships, family members become distant… We ended up going through serious domestic violence when me and my little sister were growing up, we had to leave my house , my whole suburb, and we had to give our dog away I was 15 and broke down, I lost friendships I’ve been bullied and never really was able to maintain social connections, we lost everything we had.. over the next few years was troublesome, mum trying to be a single mum, looking after my little sister and changing our life completely. I then turned 17 and found out I was having a baby!!!! I was excited , then at 29 weeks they discovered she was small and I had to have tests… They called me into the hospital for a meeting about the results… My beautiful little girl was diagnosed with Trisomy 18 (Edwards Syndrome)… I was given the option to terminate or keep going with the pregnancy and I kept going with hope my daughter will make it… The 12th of July comes 2015 and after being in 3 day labour I gave birth to my beautiful daughter, drs thought she might be born stillborn due to the syndrome but she proved the drs wrong… I started to become confident holding her in my arms, I spent time with my daughter, my sister and my mum for 6 hrs, and at 3.25pm in the afternoon that day she closed her eyes and had her last breath in my arms …. Seeing death has changed my mind completely it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever seen or been through.. 7 yrs on I’m still struggling and crying my eyes out typing all this… When my daughter passed away, my little sister I mentioned earlier then turned to heavy drug use and crime, and she is 19 now , but I’ve also lost her to the system , my sister can’t come near us now because of violence towards mum and she ended up in refuges/independent living , she has turned on me when all I ever wanted to do was be a big sister for her and I’ve lost that too now.
I am now fearing that everyone or everything I get close too I can’t because I’m scared of losing them, all my friends have their lives and babies which I have a fear of being near babies so that causes isolation, I don’t leave the house cause I fear outside I’m a hermit and all I do is grieve, I just don’t know where to start in recovery because I feel loss and lost in so many things it’s damaged my capability of being a healthy human being…

Topic

[VMPatch]

Hello @jazminviotman
Sorry it has taken a little while for you to get a rely to your post. You said you don’t know where to start in your recovery but it seems to me that writing on this forum may be a step in that direction. You have experienced a huge amount of loss and it is not unexpected that you would be struggling. I am wondering what might be a very small next step you could take to move in the direction you would like to head. Perhaps you can get some ideas about this by reading our fact sheets about grief and loss and recovery on our website.
see link below
https://griefline.org.au/resources/?asp_ls=&asp_active=1&asp_force_reset_pagination=1&p_asid=1&p_asp_data=1&termset%5Btopics%5D%5B%5D=10090&customset%5B%5D=resources&asp_gen%5B%5D=excerpt&asp_gen%5B%5D=content&asp_gen%5B%5D=title&filters_initial=0&filters_changed=1&qtranslate_lang=0&woo_currency=AUD&current_page_id=18514

Given your childhood experiences you may also want to look at the Blue Know Foundation website which is for survivors of childhood trauma. See link below.

Fact Sheets

You said that you were crying as you wrote your post and this is an important part of healing. I hope you will continue to find ways to express how you are feeling through this forum. by contacting the helpline on 1300 845 745 ( am to 6pm), and/ or finding a counsellor that you can relate to.

[VM- cookie]

Hi @Jazminevlotman,

Thank you for sharing your story.

It sounds like things have been pretty overwhelming, and you’re unsure how to move forward.It is completely normal to feel this way, and I just want to assure you that your feelings are valid.

I’m curious to know how you’ve been coping- have you been eating? sleeping? You might want to have a look at https://griefline.org.au/resources/east-toolkit/ and give some of these strategies a try.

You also mentioned that you went through domestic violence as a child, and that you’ve had some pretty difficult experiences. I’m wondering if https://griefline.org.au/resources/trauma/ might be helpful for you.

Keep sharing your story, we’re here to listen. If you need to talk to someone, feel free to call the helpline at 1300 845 745 or book a call via the Griefline website.

Take care

[Author]

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