Best mate gone

[greeny]

Yesterday I lost my best friend in life, my Jack Russell Bluey. We had been together for 13 1/2 years, so many good times and so many happy memories. He stuck with me during my recent separation and kept me together while my beautiful daughter had been over seas for the last three months.
She returned last week and he was so excited to see her, tail wagging constantly, barking excitedly like he always did.

This week we left on a camping trip we had planned, out to one of the cattle stations camping by the river. Bluey loved this spot, running around, barking at us why we were fishing. But most of all he loved jumping on the front of the kayaks, joining us on our adventure up the river with his tail wagging.

This time unfortunately as my daughter paddled down one of the small rapid’s, she hit a rock and got flung out with the kayak overturned. We both searched frantically for Bluey, but by the time we got there we just caught a glimpse of him trying to swim, then he sunk and disappeared.

Today we had to go, we searched everywhere but had to leave without him. Now he’s gone and we have a big hole in our hearts.

I’m so devastated and empty, I miss him terribly.

Topic

[VM-Fern]

Hi @greeny. It’s great that your daughter has support, and that you are able to talk to her about your shared loss. Rudyard Kipling wrote a poem called The Power of the Dog (easily found on Google) written after his grief about losing a dog, which talks beautifully about the profound effect of canine companionship and love in our lives, and questions “why do we give our hearts to a dog to tear”? It seems so unfair that we can only have them for such a short time, and the more we love and care for them, the harder the loss we suffer. All the best to you both.

[greeny]

Hi Fern and Loki
My daughter seems to be coping all right thank you.
We talk about Bluey from time to time, especially when memories pop up on your phone which makes us feel sad. Luckily she has lots of friends to keep her occupied.
It’s still very empty coming home from work, he’s not there with his tail wagging excitedly to greet me like he always was. Sunday mornings are also sad, that’s the time I put aside to do something exclusively for him.

[VM-Fern]

Hello @greeny. It was nice to read about how you were able to sit and to recall fondly all the good memories you had with your beloved dog Bluey and how much he loved his walks. Hopefully as time passes you will start to have more of those positive memories and fewer of the traumatic ones, but there is no set path for this. I too am wondering how your daughter is going in coping with the accident and loss and hoping that she isn’t suffering too badly from guilt.

[VM-Loki23]

Dear @greeny

It is six days today when you lost your devoted companion. I am wondering how you are coping? Many before me have written words of comfort to you. Know that you are not alone in your grief and we walk your path beside you in this most emotionally challenging time. Pets are important companions as they understand our pain and pleasure and accept us unconditionally. The shock of loosing Bluey in an accident ‘beyond your control’ will have impacted your nervous system and your daughters. How is she coping?
I want to commend your courage in sharing your pain on this platform. Know that at first the pain of sorrow is intense however, over time it will ease and you will find your own special way of remembering Bluey and how he passed away. Grief is a roller coaster of emotions so please offer yourself space to feel these emotions to process the loss and also to look after your needs.
You also mentioned the gap of not being able to give Bluey a burial is also playing a role in not bringing closure. I would invite you to consider your own special, creative ritual of honouring Bluey and what he meant to you and your daughter. To honour the unconditional love and joy he provided both of you.
It is important to look after your wellbeing as you grieve. I would like to direct you to an article below wherein you might find some helpful ideas.
And if you would like to speak to us, please call our Helpline on 1300 845 745.

Rest and Relaxation Techniques

In kindness.

[VMsunbird20]

Hi Greeny,
So sorry to hear about the loss of your best mate Bluey. It sounds like he was a huge part of your life and you have many special memories together. It’s understandable that you will be missing him, and it will take time for you to develop new routines without him.
How lovely that you were able to go to the Esplanade on Sunday and just sit there, and remember all the special times you had together. Looking back on photos and visiting the places you used to go to together, when you are ready, will help you to maintain a special connection with him.
Grief can be a rollercoaster so feel free to reach out to Griefline when you are ready for a chat – the number is 1300 845 745 8am to 8pm: 7 days (AEST)

[greeny]

Sunday morning was our favourite walk day. He was always waiting at the door for me, no time to sleep in. He would run around in circles barking until I could finally grab him and put the leash on.

Cairns esplanade was our Sunday choice, soon as the car stopped and I put the hand brake on, he would start barking until I got him out.Tail wagging the whole time, it was a very stop / start walk as he would stop and sniff at everything.

I just went down there this morning, sat on the bench having breakfast and remembering all the fun walks we had together.

[VMSunny88]

Hi @greeny
How heartbreaking to read about your loss of your best mate Bluey. It’s clear you shared a deep and meaningful bond, and the adventurous life you gave him was truly special. The way you explored the world together speaks volumes about the love and joy you brought to each other’s lives.

Losing a beloved pet can feel as devastating as losing a family member or close friend. It’s a grief that runs deep, and it’s okay to take your time as you navigate it. I saw that others have shared beautiful ideas for honouring Bluey, and it sounds like you’ve been reflecting on what might feel right for you.

You mentioned that walking the beach tracks could be helpful, though you’re not sure yet, and that’s perfectly okay. Grief doesn’t follow a clear path, and sometimes we only know what helps in the moment. Whatever you choose, or even if you choose nothing for now, be gentle with yourself.

Griefline has a resource that offers thoughtful guidance on coping with pet loss and ways to honour their memory. You might find it comforting so I have attached a link here: https://griefline.org.au/resources/losing-a-pet/

• This reply was modified 2 weeks ago by VMSunny88.

[greeny]

Hi old oak tree, thank you for your kind words.

We were supposed to be going away on the Kings birthday weekend to one of his favourite beach spots.

We loved going on the beach walking tracks for a long walk each day then later on a short walk around the campground so he could check everything out. I was actually going to stay an extra day, so once our friends had gone we could enjoy the time together.

Maybe going there will help but I just can’t see it at the moment.

Thanks

[VM-The Old Oak Tree]

Hi @greeny,

I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your companion Bluey. It sounds like you had shared so much together over the 13-1/2 years you had together, and that Bluey was there for you during some difficult times as well. Especially due to the sudden nature of the loss it sounds like it’s alot to deal with all at once.

It’s natural to feel a sense of emptiness or having a hole in your hearts as you mentioned, when being forced to cope with the sudden loss of such a special companion. It does seem to me that you are a strong person, having previously coped with a separation and dealing with your daughters physical absence for three months.

Perhaps you could find a way or some ways to continue your bond with Bluey. Sometimes people use things such as photographs, shrines, or even visiting places that their loved one enjoyed as a way to feel connected to their loved one. This is considered to be perfectly healthy as part of your grief and loss journey, rather than popular but unhelpful notions such as ‘moving on’ from the one you have lost. Over-time hopefully the difficult feelings will give way to fond memories of yourself, your daughter, and Bluey. It’s also important to try to prioritise taking care of yourself during this difficult time. Please try to be kind to yourself.

I hope that you have someone to talk to. It is really good that your daughter and yourself have each other. You are also welcome to call Griefline’s Helpline on 1300 845 745, between the hours of 8am – 8pm (7 days(AEST)). On our Helpline you will be able to have a supportive conversation with one of Griefline’s caring Volunteers. You may also wish to read some articles about grief and loss on our website, such as this article about losing a pet, https://griefline.org.au/resources/losing-a-pet/.

Please feel free to continue to keep in touch through this online forum and look after yourself. We are here listening to you.

[greeny]

Thank you Billie and Fern for your support.
I do keep seeing him over and over, struggling to get to the surface and then nothing, just gone.
We looked everywhere for him, but in the had to leave without him.
Not even able to give him a decent burial and us a chance to say goodbye properly. Just a big empty hole in our lives.
Thank you.

[Author]

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