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You have certainly travelled a very difficult journey with much loss, grief, and trauma from what you have experienced. The court custody battle you endured I can only imagine must of been an emotional, physical, and psychologically draining situation. I can hear the pain that you have experienced in the sentences that you write. I wonder how you have been able to cope during this time. It sounds like it has been a lonely and hurtful journey at times with friends turning out to not be friends and your ex not making you feel safe.
This forum is one space where you can connect with people with similar journeys or difficult situations in life. Our website http://www.griefline.org.au might offer some further support for you. There are resources – fact sheets on the website and you can book a session with a volunteer griefline worker at a date and time of your choosing. Explore the group support sessions offered in certain states and make an inquiry to see if one is near you.
Other helplines that might be able to offer support for you during this difficult time are Lifeline 131114 and beyond blue 1300 22 4636.
Keep reaching out to Griefline and other helpline.
You are not alone and you have been heard.