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Hi JC39,
I can deeply empathise with this experience you are going through as I have had a similar journey a few years back myself with a beloved rottweiler.
My dogs are also my replacement children and I also had one with an cancer that was found very late and nothing the vets could do, so I feel for you very much on what you are saying and experiencing in this moment. My heart feels for you in this moment and I wish I could give you a big virtual hug.
It hurts us so much when they are our ‘babies’ and we feel we could have done more to help them in their time of need.
It sounds to me that you did everything you could as soon as you noticed any signs or symptoms and you were there holding her paw when she needed you the most.
You are going through a grief process so please allow yourself space to grieve the loss of your beloved family member who spent every day with you.
I hope you have some supportive people around you right now who understand and can assist you.
I do agree with vmladybug that when you feel a little more able to, thinking of ways to commemorate your precious girl and your time together may girl you something to cherish for her memory as hard as that is to sometimes think about.
Some places make beautiful garden stones, or memory books, or take paw prints to make them into tattoos or art work, or you could plant a special flower in a pot with her favourite toy guarding it. There are a lot of ideas available and I am sure there are some wonderful memories you have of your time together that you can think of a special idea for you and her.
Until you feel comfortable getting there please know everyone on here is supportive of you and you can call and talk to one of the helpline volunteers if needed at any point.
With your daily inability to move forward managing appetite, work, etc make yourself some small goals and try one thing at a time. One small task at a time can be healing for us when we are grieving and that is okay.
I wish you all the best and in time please do update us on how you are and if you do wish to share a memory or story as ladybug suggested I would also love to read these 🙂