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I am going through a similar situation as you with my Mum and feel your fear and pain.
It is torturous watching your Mum deteriorate and palliative and I too have already started grieving and she is still here. You can say a thousand times “at least I get this time with her” but it doesn’t help watching someone you love slowly die and then try and deal with the grief of that. I cry all the time and am scared for my own health as some days I feel like I’m going to bust open, I’m so freaking sad. I’m so emotionally and mentally exhausted. I suffer panic disorder and anxiety, so I’m constantly getting myself into a state thinking how I am going to cope with her funeral when I can’t even cope now, when she is still here. Am I going to collapse, am I going to have a massive panic attack, how am I going to cope in that situation? It’s a nightmare!
I think for people to try and shame you for “not enjoying the time you have or saying be grateful you get to say goodbye” is wrong! It is equally heart wrenching watching someone suffer every day and feeling the guilt of wanting them to just go and be at peace, as it losing someone suddenly.