Hi @smep21,
I cannot comprehend the depth of the grief you are feeling – your words about trying to cross an ocean, trying to carry that much grief, really bring that home. All of our losses are painful and some are traumatic too; to have such painful losses in such traumatic fashion so close together, no wonder you feel like you can’t stop crying. It is perfectly understandable that this will take over your world for a time, at least.
There are no shortcuts across that ocean, no instant rescues, but you are not alone, even when it feels that way; around you, paddling their own ways towards the other side are the rest of us. You might not see us, but know that we share these painful waters with you, and send our strength and support and compassion your way. Give yourself permission to wallow, to not ‘do well’, to cry and feel like staying in bed, when that feeling comes. And when it doesn’t, in the few moments the sun briefly peeks around the corner of a cloud or the currents briefly sweep you somewhere better, accept that too and keep your hope that every day can be a little better, a little less painful. Those on the distant shores are waving, and waiting. There are those further back than you, just dropping into these waters, who look to you for your hope and comradeship and support, too.
Take care, and please come back and let us know how you are today.
Thinking of you, and sending the Irish blessing, “May the wind be ever at your back”.
