Just so sad

[smep21]

Lost my Dad two months ago to a prolonged illness and then my sister was murdered 3 weeks later. I don’t know how to stop crying. Everything seems hollow and fake – like I am going through the motions but nothing is real – as if I am pretending to be who I was before- I actually am pretending. The smallest things make me cry. I am getting professional help but still don’t know how to process this grief. It’s like trying to walk across an ocean. I feel bad that all my grief seems to be for my sister. I miss feeling like I was close to my Dad when I was out on my runs. I can’t seem to make that connection anymore. People say you learn to carry the pain – that it gets smaller with time.if that’s true I think it will be a very very long time.

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[VMsunflower]

I am soooo sorry to hear of your loss of both dad and your sister. There are no words that can take away your sadness but just know that we are here to hold you as you grieve, and cry. Grief as you describe it can look like a vast ocean and seem like everything around you is hollow and fake. Everything has changed and you are adjusting to life as it has never been before.

I am pleased to hear you are getting professional help and this forum is a wonderful and safe place to share your feelings in between times.

You mentioned that you feel bad that you seem to be grieving more for your sister, what a terrible and shocking way to lose your beloved sister. I can’t imagine what you must be going through. I hope you have good support of family and friends to support you through such a horrific time.

I hope you will again feel that closeness to your dad when you go out on your runs. It may be true that we learn to move forward and to carry the pain of loss with us, but there is no rush, and it is in your time. There will come a time when you are ready.

We are holding you closely and feeling your sadness, please take good care of yourself, and stay in touch.

[VM-Mancha1]

Hi @smep21,

I cannot comprehend the depth of the grief you are feeling – your words about trying to cross an ocean, trying to carry that much grief, really bring that home. All of our losses are painful and some are traumatic too; to have such painful losses in such traumatic fashion so close together, no wonder you feel like you can’t stop crying. It is perfectly understandable that this will take over your world for a time, at least.

There are no shortcuts across that ocean, no instant rescues, but you are not alone, even when it feels that way; around you, paddling their own ways towards the other side are the rest of us. You might not see us, but know that we share these painful waters with you, and send our strength and support and compassion your way. Give yourself permission to wallow, to not ‘do well’, to cry and feel like staying in bed, when that feeling comes. And when it doesn’t, in the few moments the sun briefly peeks around the corner of a cloud or the currents briefly sweep you somewhere better, accept that too and keep your hope that every day can be a little better, a little less painful. Those on the distant shores are waving, and waiting. There are those further back than you, just dropping into these waters, who look to you for your hope and comradeship and support, too.

Take care, and please come back and let us know how you are today.

Thinking of you, and sending the Irish blessing, “May the wind be ever at your back”.

[Author]

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