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Heartbreaking @sharna,
I too just lost my brother, he took his own life this month. He struggled with his mental health and he had abused drugs in the past as well. So hard and sad to know they didn’t believe they could recover and improve.
I miss him a lot and have great memories of our childhood together, but I was also scared of my brother because he would be violent and abusive towards me. He had a lot of rage and he would act it out and was too proud to ask for help to process it and release it.
I will grieve him but I will also survive him. I know he was struggling and I know he would want me to be happy.
Take care of yourself @sharna and reach out, make connections, find resources like you are doing already.
Harv