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I was never close with my brother and he was 2 years older than me. He struggled with mental illness and kept it quite from the family until he got onto drug abusing and then told the family about his problems. His drug use got worse each week and I watched him slowly destroy himself every day. I got scared of him so i stayed clear when I could. when he had a good day i would hangout with him and i would enjoy it but would deal with a high anxiety and i was always tense. I woke up one day to him over dosing in bed and that was when it got to real for me and when he woke up from it in hospital he said he didnt want to wake up and he wished it worked. My parents never took it seriously and i said to them he will try again but me being the youngest i wasnt taken seriously either. 2020 beginning of the year and he was coming down from meth and crashed his car into a tree. Worst part is everyone else gets to know if it was a suicide from a letter or they would get a while to say their goodbyes. I didnt get either i got a call from the cops only a few hours of seeing him before this happened and all of a sudden he was unconscious and brain dead in a bed in hospital. I could barely look at him and be in the room with him.I numb myself out to protect myself mentally so i dont have a break down crying.
Since losing him i am struggling more and more everyday being proud of myself and happy sounds so stupid cause he isn’t around to see it and how can i be happy after seeing my only brother dead in hospital. I guess I’m here writing this cause it’s somewhere where i can and people with other losses can read it if you want.
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