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Hello Susan,
I am sorry to hear about losing your father. Time works in a funny way as sometimes it can feel like you are going backwards, after many year of the grief process, which of course, looks different for everyone. Please know, you are not alone, you are heard, and we are here to support you. I am deeply sorry for the way that you lost your father. the way it happened on a family holiday, with you, your brother and mother there. I cannot even begin to imagine what that may have been like for you. I truly feel the pain that you have carried with you throughout your life. You have managed to build a life for yourself with your career, husband and children. I am hearing that despite all of these things that society looks at as being ‘successful’, there is a deep sense of disconnect with all that you have, as you have struggled with the grief of your father. This is completely understandable. It makes perfect sense. To then have your son struggling and to come into full awareness of the impact of this generational grief/trauma, must have been huge! That in itself can be completely overwhelming to come to terms with.
Please make sure you are looking after yourself first, and to practice self-care in whatever way you can. It is important to be your own best-friend through times like this, as I can imagine you would be feeling all sorts of emotions that would be very challenging. How are you feeling now? Have you found ways to try and connect with your loved ones? and with yourself? I would love to hear how things are going for you.
By speaking out, others can walk alongside you, truly see you and perhaps that is comfort enough to know that you are embraced with understanding. I truly understand you and I understand completely where you are at right now. Thank you for coming here and sharing your story. Through the stories of others, it undoubtedly provides others with the strength that they are, like you, not alone. Sending you much strength and healing.