Hi Deb, other grieving parents. I find it hard to reply sometimes, but I’m always reading, checking in ok.
On Saturday it will be 8 mths since I last held my beautiful boy. Instead of anticipated grief insomnia, I had wonderful dreams of all the birthday parties we had. All the themed home made cakes I made, all the excitement of pressies, the noise and laughter came flashing back, so I woke up smiling for a change.
I have no doubt that my son was saying hi to me, – you know he always sends me little signs, which I wait for patiently.
I believe this reminder of all the good times we shared was a signal for me to close this post – and start a new one, maybe something like “living without my child”??
Because somehow we’re doing it… but I absolutely cannot unless I have others’ to confide in, who are living the same story – cancer diagnosis in particular.
I know other grieving mums have other children, I also have 3 others, but am sadly an empty-nester. I wasn’t prepared for any of this ..
So I’d like to start a new post/thread we can not only share our unique grief, but share our little successes- albeit cutting your fingernails, whatever.
Today I dyed my hair – that’s pretty big for me.
As much as no longer feel part of this world, and never will again, I’m only half here – I understand the only comfort I will find in my grief is by sharing my humanity.
Thank goodness I can smile at an old man walking down the street, or a baby in a pram without a mask on these days, that’s all it takes for me to brighten my day.
And I know my son is right behind me when I also pat the cats and dogs on my little walks xx Will you join me in a new thread ?