Hi @yelo, thanks for sharing your story with us. I’m deeply sorry to hear of the trauma and loss you have experienced. Leaving a violent relationship is an incredibly difficult thing to do and I really applaud your bravery in managing to do that. It is heartbreaking that you lost your greatest source of support in the same year. That two such huge events happened in close proximity is likely to have complicated how you were able to process them both.
I am glad to hear you still have your mum. Are you able to talk with her about how you feel?
Do you have any rituals that help you connect with and honour your dad? You may find it helpful to try some of the suggestions listed here: https://griefline.org.au/resources/understanding-the-symptoms-of-grief/
I’m sure there are others on the forum who know the pain of losing a parent too, and we are all here for you.