Reply To: Buried my son on xmas eve

[Moon]

Hi Deb, thank you so much for being close to me today, I really appreciate you listening and having this space to download.
Think it’s gonna be an all-nighter, although I’m exhausted from sobbing all week.
Yes, I do believe for me, personally, the lead up to any kind of anniversary, is worse than the actual day.
It feels like my entire being is engulfed, swallowed up in an abyss of despair, and I cannot not envisage how to get through the next moment.
But that unexpectated visit from a stray puppy reminded me, my heart still beats and any compassion I can share will keep me going, I hope.
I remember when grievingmum first posted, she wanted to contact me directly, but we are not allowed to share personal details on the forum.
I don’t know of any other forums or chat lines for bereaved mother’s, if you know of any please introduce me, I need more support for sure.
Yes, whatever I write here goes out into cyberspace, for anyone to read, I don’t like knowing that because it’s so very personal, but I’m so alone,
I need contact with others who are living the same disbelief of the trauma of burying their own child.
I can’t really say that I’m particularly religious or spiritual, but I’m open and watchful for any minor comfort I can grab onto.
They might be rare and random, but this is between me and my son, so I will claim every minor moment offered, and it’s my right to do so.
Deb, there are little messages and signs everywhere for you too, I promise. But just maybe you have to let some things out, to let more in.
I remember you saying how Sayge was learning french, I could bombard you with french muisc, but will leave you with one which always