As @Moon said you are with friends ..we are here for you to talk.
I’m really sorry to hear that you have lost 2 very loved ladies in recent times, along with the 10year mark of the loss of your dad.
You mentioned you felt depression creeping in, did you ever consider visiting a counsellor for help or reaching out to your GP (they can refer you to specialist that are trained to help with depression)? Sometimes it really makes all the difference to just get a little bit of techniques and advice to navigate those deep valleys.
For me personally I find when it gets really heavy I try my hardest to do one thing a day for myself that is kind – be it something little; like a nice hot drink / hot bath etc.
Really hope you will keep talking to us …know you are not alone.