Hi there berevedwife,
I’m so sorry to hear about your husband. I am in my 30s and have lost both my parents which I have struggled with and am still struggling to deal with. I don’t have a similar situation to yours other than we have both lost people we love, but I hope I can offer comfort in your time of need.
First of all the feelings we go through when we lose somebody can be confusing and my advice is to not try and make sense of them. It’s better to just let the feelings come and deal with them as they happen. I know that you say that your friends say the wrong things but you are right, I’m sure they are trying their best and simply don’t know what to say which is understandable if they haven’t experienced losing a loved one or somebody close. In fact, situations like this tend to make people uncomfortable and if they aren’t linked to your situation personally, there’s a level of detachment and perhaps even ignorance though most likely they are unaware of this or how they are coming across.
We often look for answers when we lose somebody and seek out comfort from people who we put a lot of faith in giving us the answers we need or the words we want to hear. The truth is that we are all different and we deal with things differently. One thing we all have in common here is that we are grieving, that we have lost loved ones but we all deal with that grief in our own way and process our thoughts and feelings differently. The important thing to remember is that people who reach out are showing their support and in doing so, also showing that you are not alone and that you have people that love and care about you.
You may feel like you’re floating in space right now with no clear sense of direction or purpose and that’s understandable. Things might not make sense for a while and that’s okay. It’s okay to feel, to just be and not have all the answers. One thing I can say (and this is something I have learned) is don’t worry about what everybody else is doing in their lives especially those around you because the truth is that we are all different and on different life paths. I know you said that you were planning the next stages with your partner and it hits hard emotionally when you see others doing just that, but at this time it’s important to take care of YOU. So focus on yourself and don’t worry about others.
Grieving is as an individual experience as the person going through it. I personally don’t believe in the “stages” of grief and I think you just need to take your time in processing things and don’t forget to show yourself some love and care. Again, now is the time to look after you and do what’s best for you.
Were all here for you anytime you need support.