Reply To: Lost both my parents to terminal illness.

[childatheart]

Debsage,

You are welcome and I know I’m not a mum yet, but I can only imagine what it must feel like to lose a child. Thank you once again for the kind words, I certainly appreciate that we can come to places like these and be in support of others as well as receiving support. I also like your line about grief is the love with nowhere to go. I feel that. <3 <3

Moon, I am sorry to hear of your father and equally sorry for the difficult times you have been through. I of course don’t want to press you about anything that happened or the details of your situation but from what you have said about your brother I am wondering how our situations besides the denial might be similar. I have depression and anxiety as well so it’s hard get others (especially my brother) to understand that this isn’t just grief and that depression and anxiety makes it hard to move on also as these can be debilitating at times. I suspect from other scenarios in my youth that I had depression and anxiety for some time, but they seemed to take a backseat for some years until my parents got sick and then as they declined quickly I became housebound because my parents couldn’t be left alone and so I stayed in the house for the majority of that six years. I wasn’t even engaging in conversation in the latter years because my mother wasn’t able to speak much and no longer knew who I was nor who she was and my father was always in pain and exhausted from the treatments and I remember stuttering in conversation with my first social situation after they passed because I hadn’t really had that interaction in some time and I found people asking me simple questions like how are you or how is your day going would give me anxiety. I wouldn’t sleep until my body basically decided to pass out because I knew I needed to be awake and alert if my parents needed help because my mother had become immobile and my father had lots of doctors conditions where it was urgent to call the hospital if he went over a certain temperature. Of course since they passed, the grief the depression, the anxiety hasn’t let me sleep much either and I am very exhausted mentally, emotionally and physically. I wish I could just sleep for like a whole month in all honesty.