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I hope this is okay but I am a member on beyond blue as well and they actually told me about Griefline as I was not aware you actually existed but I am going to copy and past what I wrote there about my story as I don’t think I have the energy to write it all again.
In roughly 2011 I resigned (technically quit) my job of almost 10 years and I was living with my parents. During this time my mother got diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease and later, a blood disease. My father who owned his own business found it helpful that I was there with her during the day while he was at work as she declined rather quickly. Before I could decide what to do about getting another job, my father got diagnosed with cancer. I became an at-home carer for the next six years until they passed away a month from each other six years ago.
I have a sibling who has lived overseas for many years now and who was not there for 99% of that time that I was there helping them and trying to find a way to stay in control of my own life as depression was already starting to become a part of my life (again) as well as anxiety. My sibling came down at the tail end (just after our mother passed away) and as my father was in his last weeks. We hadn’t gotten to process my mother’s passing by the time we were told by the doctors that my father was in his last days. So when my father passed away I felt completely lost at the time and although my sibling had a life to get back to, I had nothing. I had no choice but to let the feelings wash over me and to face it all head-on.
As I had spent all my life up to that point living with my parents, I hadn’t experienced being on my own in the outside world i.e had never applied for a place to live and therefore didn’t have any rental history and i hadn’t worked at the time in six years and its been another six and i still don’t have a job like I feel pressured to have (I have my own projects I am trying to get out there slowly but my family seems to want me in a 9-5) and my brother didn’t really understand all I had been through and doesn’t realise how what he sees as small things are big things to me like how I am now in my own accommodation for the first time in my life (took a long time to get here).
When my mother and father passed a month from each other roughly, my brother helped clean out the house of most things and left only major bits of furniture here and there and then went back to the country he currently resides and I was left alone in what was my parents house and this caused me a great deal of extra pain. While we were still dealing with legal issues with the house (transfers and what not) I wasn’t in a good frame of mind and I didn’t do a lot of things I should have in the upkeep of the house. When my brother came back to visit he was mad and upset at how the house was and came up with the solution at the time to put me in a long stay hotel. That did get me out of the house but he told me I had a small window of time to get myself sorted e.g job and a place of my own but I wasn’t ready for the job everything was still a fresh wound and I was having issues with the I will admit very small number of places I put in for that I didn’t get most likely because I didn’t have the rental history or any references that weren’t family. I had to then hotel hop because my long stay wasn’t able to keep me and this went on for some time making me feel like stranger to my own home town. I eventually reached out to an old friend who said I could come stay with them in another state (I had never live out of state) and I said okay thinking the change of scene would do me good. I was thrown out of my friends place leaving me homeless to where my brother had to put me in another hotel putting the pressure on me to immediately find a place and I have one now but it still seems no matter what I do its not enough and nobody seems to understand that I am still grieving plus dealing with depression and anxiety. Everybody wants me to be full steam ahead when all that does is make me more anxious when I still have a lot of guilt, pain and other feelings from my parents passing to deal with.
I’m sorry this was long. Thank you for reading and listening anybody who feels the same or has been through something similar I would love to say hello.
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