Reply To: Buried my son on xmas eve

[Moon]

Hi deb, everyone.. I hate this time of day the most, just watched the sunset and now too cold to keep sitting outside on my back deck.
Not so long ago, I would have had the stove and oven fired up cooking a feast for hungry teenagers and all their plus ones, huge sigh !!
I’m still learning how to cook for one, or eat at all sometimes, to be honest. I used to love hosting parties/gatherings and cooking hey.
Been watching videos that I need to put on an usb, plus so many photos. Gosh please tell me I’m not the only mum who has photos still to put in an album.
I wonder how other’s process looking at baby photos ? We had no f..g idea this could ever possibly happen to our baby child, did we?, how could it possibly be that our love couldn’t keep them here beside us ? Oh my, it’s unbearable, and I don’t know where to find any comfort, except somehow here with you all.
I’m jealous of those who have family, friends and faith, because I often feel berefit of any sustenance to warrant another day. Thank goodness I have a very demanding old cat and a cheeky budgie to care for. I try my best, but not good with pot plants, encourage the birds to come eat the worms, highlight of my day when the king parrots chat with me, they don’t mind me rambling back hey. Yep, I talk to my son, via them ok. Am I going mad ? – I was already, so free range now.
What shall I do with my madness ? Not going to unleash it on anyone else, so good that I’m used to being a hermit. But there’s such a tear in my heart, I know I just cannot bear this alone, so I need to be here, and keep writing. I’ve got my counselling session tomorrow, will probs reflect here after xx