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I am soo sorry to hear you had to experience your first Mother’s Day without your son. I can only imagine how empty and emotional you must have felt. It sounds like you tried to cry all your tears the day before so I do hope that you were coping okay on Mother’s Day. It is during the lead up to these so-called ‘special’ days that things can really be stirred up again, and it is perfectly normal to feel like it opens up the grieving wounds all over again. Not that it would be something that ever truly goes away.
I can understand how you are feeling. I feel a bit raw when its Fathers Day as I don’t associate with my father. It makes me feel like I want to fast forward past that day and I can’t stand hearing about it all over the media either. I truly understand how triggering it can be because it is one thing to carry the thoughts in your mind, but to be constantly reminded can be a bit much. Especially if you feel that you have progressed even just a tiny bit forward with the loss.
How are you coping now that Mother’s day is over? How was that day for you? I really hope you got to find the love and joy from your other children on that day and that your son gave you the type of sign you were looking for. That dream did sound impactful. It must’ve been soo special just to see his face and hear his voice again. I find it special that you connected with him through music. At least you can keep those memories alive when you listen to the songs that meant soo much to you together.
It seems there are a few others here on the forum that also found Mothers Day particularly difficult. I hope you find some comfort from other people’s posts too. Please let us know how you are going. We care about you.