Reply To: How to navigate Early Grief, Lost my 6 year old daughter 3 weeks ago.

[Moon]

Hi grievingmum, I wonder how today is for you. I checked the rules and unfortunately personal info like email addresses cannot be shared on the forum. Don’t want to risk being moderated, perhaps there’s another way. Maybe a counsellor could help us exchange details? Meanwhile, if you feel comfortable chatting here I’ll be listening.
I’m not sure if you read my posts, under buried my son xmas eve, or if anything I write resonates with you, I hope so.
If you’d like to talk in detail about your daughters’ cancer journey, hate that phrase, I am someone who will understand all medical terminology, procedures, the whole hospital experience and the effect on the entire family, as I lived it for 9 long years. I know how confronting being in ICU is, hooked up to so many machines and not being able to stay beside your child. Something I appreciated about my Redkite counsellor was their knowledge of all that’s involved in cancer treatment.
But perhaps you’d rather talk about your daughter bc – before cancer – or the good times in between. I wonder if you had a “Make a Wish’ granted already ?
I remember sitting in clinic waiting for pathology results of a huge lesion my son had on the back of his head (first sign of relapse in hindsight) as we had been granted a week in the Gold Coast, meant to leave the next morning. Prob was with all the theme parks, could he get his head wet yet. It was a last minute yes and we had the best fun. Upon return all the gruelling lead-up work for a bmt commenced. We spent 4 months in an isolation room, and another 8 months isolating at home.
We had another short break a couple of years later staying at a Ronald Mc’Donalds house on the coast. I don’t know if you are already involved with these charities alongside Camp Quality, or if me even mentioning a holiday without your precious daughter is upsetting, it’s just that I am eternally grateful for the opportunities my family were given and have lots of treasured memories.
Ok so I had to walk away from the keyboard for a while there, as tears were blinding my sight. Waves of despair can engulf me many times throughout the day, I hate waking up in the morning the most. There’s a split second where you might have just been dreaming something nice, then a dagger stabs your heart when you remember they are gone. I’m not going to see my sons cheeky smile or hear his chuckle, not today, not ever again on this earth and it’s simply unbearable.
And just as I type this a king parrot has landed on my budgies cage sitting next to me. Thank you my beloved son. Hope to hear from you soon xx